Are You Gonna Go My Way?

Labeling is an easy skill for most of us.  Our minds have been trained to categorize and label people, things and places.  There are schemata filling the schema in our brains.  In other words, files filling file cabinets in our minds with connections and definitions.  It's why you might smell something, good or bad, and connect it to a memory, a place, a person or a time.  We label.

For those of you re-watching episodes on MeTV of "Happy Days" (or maybe watching them for the first time), you know that the coolest guy on the earth in the 1970's was Arthur Fonzarelli, aka Fonzie.  Initially labeled a juvenile delinquent, Fonzie rose to show a deeper character and a true coolness.  When an organization that worked with kids with who suffered serious abuse and were emotional stifled came to the attention of director Garry Marshall, he wanted Fonzie to alter the label of super-cool a bit.  When Fonzie cried in one episode, and those kids watched it, the result was an open door for that agency to help those kids.  They were ready to emote since Fonzie did.

The labeling takes over rather quickly, however.  We decide who is a jerk, who is nice, who is conceited, who is fake, who is a wimp.  We connect people into categories and then treat the group in that category in the same manner.  We respond singularly, for example, to someone who is mean.  For some of us, we retreat from such a person.  For others, we look to engage and rip apart that person.  It's a sport - the art of the run and the art of the fight.  We all travel the scale and, for some of us, we have to manage people on the same scale.

Our involvement in the label movement is an everyday contribution.  When we treat our employees in a responsive manner rather than at the level we want them to operate, we display our commitment to the label rather than the person.  To be sure, there are jerks.  Of course, those jerks might not be long for their employment.  Yet, even if they are  to be with you for a short time, let's engage them in a way that calls them to greatness rather than meets them in their jerkiness.

As you think about how you're reacting, consider these thoughts:

• Check your tone - are you sharper with a particular person than others?  Is your label of that person the reason for the difficulty in communication?
• Re-read emails before you send them - when tone is hard to know, as it is in emails, it means that a bit more time should be spent re-reading prior to send.  You may be giving shade, even unintentionally, by doors you've left open for interpretation of words (and, yes, I said "shade").
• Examine distribution of work  - are you sharing types of work as well as the amount of work equally, based upon skill sets alone?  Or are you giving the crappy work only to the employee you've labeled negatively?
• Rotate opportunities to lead - Allow staff to take turns leading various meetings, training sessions or projects.  By rotating the team leader, you are sure that you're negative slant towards someone isn't getting in the way of job expectations and opportunities.

If you're thinking, "I would never let So-And-So lead a meeting or be in charge of a specific type of work", that's fine.  I would just ask back, "Well, then, why is he/she still working at the company?"  If the basis work of work isn't being met that you've uniformly given, then the employment of that person should end.  The work is the reason a person is hired.  

Bear in mind, too, that people might just sometimes surprise you.  The jerk could let his/her guard down and show you how wonderful he/she is.  The wimp might find his/her courage due to the way you're running the department.  The fake might become the most authentic person on your team as he/she learns that skill sets and work product matter more than the facade portrayed.  If Fonzie can cry, then any of these changes could happen. Heyyyyy...

Bad Blood

Questions get asked of me often.  Various employees will call, email or walk in and ask, “Do you know that other companies give their employees as much vacation as they want?”  Or perhaps, “What’s our policy on filing a complaint against a manager? I’m just curious.”  Or a classic favorite of mine, “John, will you be a reference for me as I look for a new job? I love working with you, but I hate it here.”  We could share for days all of the various questions we’ve been asked, and trust me that there are some great ones to come still!

One question that’s a bit heart-breaking to be asked by an employee is, “How is it that the people who do the wrong thing (or nothing) get promoted?”  This is an unfortunate question for a few reasons.

First off, what if the person who is promoted is actually a great employee?  The perception of this person being less than stellar is shameful, but not necessarily the asking-employee’s fault.  Why weren’t the successes of the promoted employee heralded previously?  Why didn’t others know of his/her accomplishments or connection to the whole?  It’s a sad state of affairs to be good at your work, but not be seen as such.

Secondly, what if the person promoted hasn’t demonstrated his/her ability clearly?  It may not be a matter of poor PR, but rather a matter of hesitancy.  What if he/she is able but saw that the climate of the workplace is such that doing your job well would mean scrutiny by others?  I have been in workplaces where achievement was frowned upon as it upset the status quo.  It was very middle school in its mob mentality, but it was real nonetheless.  To show others up (which is how it was taken) was the kiss of death and a very clear hit was put out on you.  Other employees would snub you or somehow “forget” to include you in key decisions that affected your workload or process.  Sadly, this is more common than you might realize.

Thirdly, what if the person promoted really is terrible?  Is it a matter of sucking up that got this person the promotion?  How could this occur?  When I was younger in my career, a colleague once told me that “the flakes get promoted to the top.”  What a sad statement!  Such a phrase doesn’t come from one or two incidents.  Who are the people promoting these “flakes” and why do they do it?  It’s frustrating to have to deal with the repercussions of such decisions, and it’s usually HR that has to handle the fallout.

So, how do we handle this?  It’s happening right now and is likely to continue to happen in the companies we serve, so our thoughtfulness around an answer is better to consider now.  Is it okay to simply say, “I don’t know”?  Maybe, but more likely that if this is our answer, we won’t hear from the asking-employee any time in the near future.  Why would he/she be inspired to come to us again when we clearly don’t know what’s going on? 

And let’s not forget about tone.  Answering “I don’t know” with a sharp or sarcastic tone will minimize our leadership, the leadership of the company as well as the mission of the organization.  What kinds of people run this show?  Ones that make crappy decisions, who don’t consult HR, who don’t care about the promotee’s influence on work product or culture to date, and who seem to be living in an ivory tower without a connection to what’s really going on.  Yup, we can translate all of that in one sarcastic response or disgusted look.  We don’t need to add to any bad blood that’s already creeping into relationships.

It’s important to not be thrown by the question.  Someone made this decision.  An employee coming to you to ask is correct.  Where would you want them to go?  It should be you, HR.  You should have an idea as to why someone has gotten a promotion.  It’s not about justifying it to the asking employee, but more about you portraying confidence.  If you know, then you aren’t searching for how to feel about it while in front of this employee.  It’s not about agreeing with the decision but about knowing.  The time for agreement should have already occurred.  If it didn’t, then that isn’t a response that should be shared with the asking-employee.

I, too, have been in that office when I was asked about someone’s promotion and I had no idea what he/she was talking about.  Promoted? Who?!  But the trick is to step back and formulate how to approach this.  I could be dismissive about the manager who has been making these bad decisions.  I could cut down those involved.   I could, but I would be very dumb to do so.  Rather, I should look for ways to build a bridge.

Fix what’s wrong in the process.  Take initiative, be bold and introduce solutions.  Then, when the next question comes, you’ll know how to respond.  You can focus back onto the asking-employee and inspire that person in what’s needed to move forward.  Many times, the asking-employee just wants to know where he/she fits; it’s not so much about the promoted employee.  By knowing what it takes to contribute stronger to the whole and thereby be promoted, allows you to be a resource towards advancement.  The questions will continue so make sure the answers flow, too.