Colour My World

Know your audience.  I can’t tell you how many times that advice has come out of my mouth.  Very often, people get too comfortable too fast.  Quick rapport development is an appealing quality, to be sure, but not at the sacrifice of the demeanor of the formation.

Lots of locker room talk consideration over the past couple of weeks in light of the Donald Trump hot mic bus recordings being released.  He and Billy Bush quickly established a “buddy” relationship.  And while, the majority of response has been to condemn the words along with sentiment and systemic treatment of women, it would be unwise to consider it in such a small context.  Trump’s words have been repeated in locker rooms since I was old enough to change for gym class right up through board rooms since I was experienced enough to have an executive role. 

Period movies and television shows from the 50’s and early 60’s show the dichotomy of family life and business life.  The male character is a member of the 1^st Baptist or Presbyterian church in town with his wife and kids; they raise their kids to be good Americans, respectful students and to be seen and not heard.  At work, that same male may participate in an affair with his secretary, in shady business dealings to undercut another within the company, and in drinks at 3PM to discuss work and women with his boss.  Very stereotypical, I know, but much of the content and context in those period dramas.

Our audience is no longer known by look alone.  White boys chatting it up about a woman’s anatomy and ability to score isn’t an inclusive strategy for corporate culture.  You cannot make a decision just based upon look as our workplace is no longer a homogeneous pool.  And further, those who do look the same as you aren’t necessarily coming from the same background as you.  It’s a whole new world.  And whether it’s Donald Trump on a bus or Bill Clinton on a golf course, any commentary based upon those assumptions is more than unwise; it’s deadly to our culture.

In the small kingdoms we manage in our workplaces, we may not be able to change the world, but we can influence one sphere.  Of course, the liability around harassment is evident.  It’s not okay to allow language that demeans and cheapens another, whether based on sex, race, religion, medical history, orientation or age, to permeate a workplace.  It’s illegal, if not federally, then likely on a state level.  You have a responsibility to protect the company you represent.  Work for change to minimize such liability.

And yet, as people we may have a deeper responsibility than merely the law.  What are we telling the future about us?  Our ability to engage at this level is just what a role in management and in human resources should be focused upon.  Process improvement, sales objectives and growth planning are necessary and the core duty for some of you.  Don’t disregard those needs.  Yet, those strategies and duties can be offered in a better context. 

The drum beating for employee engagement is loud.  To what are we asking them to engage?  Our company?  OK.  So, what is our company like?  Do you really want them to be engaged in and to it?  Think of it as you might a romantic relationship.  As things progress, your love interest gets to see your quirks about washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc.  This person, also, experiences you more fully, warts and all.  That relationship will likely require you to change some things – maybe you need to make the bed, to put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of the sink, to throw out your porn.  Whatever you need to do, you may do to make the environment for your relationship bloom and grow more. 

Those same considerations at the workplace should occur (If you have porn at the workplace…yikes.  Let’s talk offline).  What is the willingness of the executive team to sacrifice to allow the relationship of the company and its employees to bloom and grow?  If it’s locker room talk that needs to be addressed, then let it go.  Don’t make excuses for it.  Uncover biases and systemic limiters, and then remove them.  Inclusivity is a popular term, and a respectable one, but to what are we including people?  Once they see it, they may not want to be included.  What a sad possibility.  But it’s correctable.

It’s important to remember that this is not about politics.  That may have been the most recent context we’re seeing, but it’s not the only environment where such a lack of care about people is evident.  Our workplaces may be run by locker room talking, “real housewives” attitude-mongering, bulldozing leaders.  Confront it.  Categorizing people or a person in an unhealthy or demeaning manner is unacceptable.  Act upon it and work for change.

My life is full of strong women, Christians, disabled individuals, gay men, multi-cultural heritages and races.  I like them each individually.  And though I may look like you, please don’t come to me to share in a negative view or a demeaning approach regarding any of them or what they “represent.”  It’s not funny.  

More Than Words

Rating people is tough when you've got to put it on paper.  It's one thing to talk about someone, especially when behind his/her back.  So-and-so stinks at such-and-such a task.  But if you're in charge of reviewing someone, those words matter as they translate onto a page.  Ask yourself about context as much as content.

When Lucy and Ethel go to work in that classic chocolate-making production episode, their rating was pretty poor.  They over-exaggerated their abilities, they could not keep up with the line, they ate product while working and they tried to cover up their errors.  They were fired on their first day.  

From a television rating perspective, this episode started Season 2 with a bang.  It capitalized off of the ground-breaking work of the first season and set the tone for television sitcoms for decades to come, to this day.  The ratings for their work was at the highest levels.

So how do you give thought around context in order to frame the content?  A relevant evaluative process is more likely to give credibility to the results in the eyes of the employee, even when those results are less than excellent. 

Tactical - What is the hands on level of engagement into the organization's health?  Look at how the employee puts his/her time and talents into the company.  And, then be able to point to the result of such tactics.  Is there an organizational influence?  And while business bottom-line is the easiest metric to use, it limits our view.  For example, a survey might reveal that most employees feel comfortable in the workplace.  Find out why.  It may be because the front desk receptionist greets everyone warmly and genuinely.  It might be that he/she acknowledges others specifically for achievements, birthdays, tough times, etc. That person contributes to organizational health, despite the lack of a straight line to net profits.  That person has a line.  Look harder.

Experiential - How has the employee involved himself/herself in the company?  What have they experienced, either voluntarily or involuntarily?  Consider both causes.  Just because someone volunteers to do something, doesn't mean it was good for anyone involved (and yes, you can fire someone from a volunteer role...).  Maybe there are new processes initiated by an employee's willingness to try.  As such, they've been added to a workflow or perhaps replaced a previous workflow.  But just as important, maybe an employee rallied his/her department to participate in a walk for a particular disease-fighting organization.  Those experiences should not be lost if they don't fit into a clean bucket for the company's review pattern.  Go back to considering what those experiences have done for the organization.

Emotional - Odd, right?  We have so many emotionally-stunted people working in our industries that it's important to think through this.  Listen, hugs and kisses aren't what's really meant by emotional (although, I have been a good receiver of that type of love for years...don't stop!).  Emotion is tied to communication, critical thinking and behavior.  Do they not matter in a consideration of performance?  There is a great deal of teasing regarding millennials and their lack of consistent approach. "There's a stop sign ahead, but if you don't feel that the stop sign applies to you, then do what you think you should do.  Don't stop if you don't feel you should.  It's okay."  That perspective is not exclusive to one generation.  I still talk to some 60 year-old business executives who haven't figured out emotional health and they struggle to connect well with staff.  That's not good for business.

Social - How has community been fostered by this employee?  So many companies talk about how they're a family.  That invokes an employee's context about family.  What if my family is a bunch of narcissistic, inconsiderate, selfish jerks? (This is just an example, it's not a reflection on anyone in my family so please, Mom, don't text me and send me angry-faced emojis).  The consideration should be about fostering supportive, interpersonal relationships for the movement of the organization and for the building up of others.  Look at how an employee engages with his/her teammates.  Speak to dynamism, collaboration and group ingenuity.  That takes risk for each employee willing to be engaged at that level and we should be mindful of that healthy impact.

Of course, I know, that you have a performance review form that has many more areas to consider. But maybe, those other areas should be considered in this expanded context.  Haven't you heard, "But you don't know" from employees defending themselves from a manager's perspective?  Sure you have.  So, why is it that we don't know?  Looking holistically as well as specifically takes time, I get it, but it's the best way to consider talent.

Quite frankly, we don't have an never-ending supply of ready-to-wear talent. This type of consideration will enhance how we can better setup our staff for success through skill development, knowledge management and attitude improvement while reducing our turnover.  

If your manager sat with you to review your performance and began to share a limited view of your impact, you would want to say, "But you don't know."  Think about your staff saying that to you and be ready to offer the fuller context in light of the above areas.  Let them know that you do know.

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

Managers grumble about the state of their employees from time to time (shocking, I know).  And while there might be lots to complain about, consider for a moment that the road you’re on is a two-way street.  The grumbling is traveling up and down both sides of the highway.  What are your employees saying about you? Some grumbling going on?

Well, of course, if that’s happening, then those employees are idiots.  Clearly.  I mean, you slave over work, you show up early, stay late, do jobs that no one notices…you’re a good man/woman.  Don’t these ungrateful leeches see that?

And therein, is the rub.  Maybe they don’t see it anymore, if ever.  Maybe it’s what you used to do, but you’ve become as complacent as you accuse your team of being.  It’s often subtle.  You don’t wake up one morning and decide to be less dedicated.  Rather, you might have allowed the tiredness of the path traveled to dictate your next moves.  And while it was only to be for a day, it’s now three months or three years later and the effects are being felt by your team.  They are now responding to what they’re experiencing.

My long time love, Molly Ringwald, in Pretty in Pink sits on her bed with Duckie (Jon Cryer).  She shares with him her hope that she’s not the only one who knows how incredible he is.  Duckie’s sad response is “Well, at this point in time, I’m afraid you are, honey.”   

It’s easy to blame you, right?  I mean, you’re the manager and everything stops with you.  Your boss barges into your office and demands results and explanations.  Your staff has been barging in demanding resources and complaining about you, the team, the work, etc.  You have it tough.  But you know what?  That comes with the territory.  You’re a manager.  Manage it.

Strong words, but necessary. 

Advancement is desired.  The mainstream talent management conversation is about succession planning and doing it quickly.  26-year old employees are looking to be CEO next year, if you believe every article written about it, and you can’t let that time get away from you to make it happen.  Removing the tongue from the cheek, an active, vibrant talent culture is one of collaboration, constant improvement and competency assessment and utilization.  Bringing less than our “A” game opens a door for staff to look outside of the department, at the very least, if not outside of the company. 

And while, this perspective is one for a three-day conference, a realistic first step is to sit down and ask yourself what you’ve done for your team lately.  Don’t allow rose-colored glasses of past sacrifices and engagements to color what you’re doing (or not doing) today.  I know you were the hero for the team in 2014, but it’s two years later.  That’s plenty of time to be forgotten, or at least, to be less impactful.

Every day is a day to crush it.  That’s not a pithy slogan.  That’s a business imperative.  The list is long and depressing of those companies that have closed or are a shell of what they used to be due to poor management and leadership.  And for almost all of them, what occurred was not a one-day issue.  The choices (or lack thereof) made did not align with the business mandate and were not delivered in a context for staff to understand.

Manage messaging as much as process and output.  Think about what you’re doing and act upon it.  While thinking is very important, it isn’t always a visible example to the team.  You sitting at your desk may not equate to an employee observing to self, “Oh, look at my awesome manager.  She is sitting at her desk looking at her computer.  I bet she’s considering staff morale and process improvement.  She’s so awesome.  I’m lucky to have her.”  Truth be told, it’s possible that’s what the manager might be doing at that moment, but it’s hard to know it as an observer.  Balance obnoxious bragging with informed considerate disclosure in conversation with your team.  Fill them in and deliver on what you’ve been contemplating.

The success of the past is just that.  It’s in the past.  Today, deliver something else.  The responsiveness from your staff will become what you desire it to be.  You’ll be setting a new tone or recovering a tone that once was.  The highway of complaining is replaced by one of vibrant complimenting.  Talent will know what can be done, who can do it and how it helps the whole.

Get up, hit the video below, shake your groove thing and think through a plan for yourself.  Today is that day.  As Janet says, “Soap opera says you’ve got one life to live.”

Don't Dream It's Over

When summer wraps up, there is something tangibly ending in our lives.  So much effort and energy are spent prepping for this season.  Not all of us live in the eternal sunshine states of Florida, California and the like, so summer is a big deal!  As an east coast resident, the three months of summer are gold.  Lots of effort goes into how to best spend those 3 months (really, it’s 2.5, but I’m rounding up!).  Day trips, evening patio dinners, weekend excursions, 7-day vacations, etc. are scheduled.  We don’t want it to end.

Danny and Sandy spent their summer swimming (Sandy almost drowned!), holding hands, staying out late and making out (Sandy tells it differently than Danny on this point).  Their weeks of summer were the best ever, but alas, summer ended and school was upon them.  Sandy had to go back to her faraway home and Danny back to his T-Birds.

In the business community, it’s easy to romanticize our off-site meetings or team getaways.  We build them up like the summer days that Danny and Sandy had. We set that time as the goal.  And just as those crazy love bird teens found out, the destination isn’t the goal.  For our organizations, the destination can be the annual sales celebration meeting in the Bahamas or the executive leadership team getaway to the Cayman Islands.  Those are amazing destinations and they are certainly more appealing than a frozen tundra (unless you prefer freezing your tookus off). 

Listen, get me on that plane! But the trip doesn’t last.  For some of us, we know better.  We get that the location is valuable, but it’s not the end.  We, instead, focus on what we’ll do once we’re there.  We redo mission statements; we plan incredible team building exercises; we bring in fabulous speakers to encourage and motivate our teams.  Those are great things!  So much planning goes into them and the hope for a return is desired.

And yet, therein may be the rub.  When we get back to work, what happens?  Is the pattern of normal living returned to?  When Danny went back to Rydell High School, he donned his leather jacket, put the cigarette in his mouth and entertained the ladies.  The “time of his life” that he experienced over the summer was a memory.

Perhaps much of the effort should be put into what the outcomes will be.  Yes, make the time memorable, but the post-trip time should be just as memorable. 

This applies to on-site excursions, too.  Those fantastic programs you put together.  The speakers you’ve brought in.  The launch event that marketing spent weeks on.  All of that is valuable, but it's not the end.  The leadership for the company, or at least for the division, should be involved in planning for post-trip.  More than one person will need to hold people accountable to the application or implementation from the event.  The team should be decided ahead of time upon the objectives as well as how to measure them.  This is effort, yes, but it's effort that justifies the ROI of such programs.  

Think about marriage.  So much time is spent planning for the wedding day.  Dress, flowers, photographer, venue, etc.  It’s all so important.  Months of planning are done.  What if that were it?  What if at the end of the reception or honeymoon, the newly married couple says, “That was fun.  We should plan another one of these again.  Take care and hope to see you soon.”  Each of them returns to his/her walk of life prior to being married.  As observers, we would likely think that they’re crazy.  They just got married…it’s more than a wedding.

That same logic holds true to the programs, events and conferences we help organize.  Think long-term for your team.  Don’t be enthralled with the “wedding” alone.  Think of the “marriage.”   The event won’t have to end; it will live on in its application.

Can't Stop the Feeling

Standing firm in an opinion is admirable.  Standing firm in an opinion is foolishness.  Which is right?  I’ve had managers defend their stance to me in various contexts and situations.  And there are times I’ve agreed with them and there are times I’ve not.  There are times I’ve had to ask them what they were thinking (a question I have regretted asking upon occasion because they’ve told me).

Whose perspective gets to win out and why? Is it just based upon how we’re feeling? If so, that has to stop.  

Often, the person with the most power gets to win.  The executive, the c-suite, the board of directors...one of them can pull ahead in the winning viewpoint rather easily.  The trick might just be to work with this level in understanding the winning perspective as well as influencing it. 

Remember that freshman year of Psych 101?  One of the many classic truths taught was that people want to be heard and validated.  Our need to belong and to contribute runs deep.  When people, especially when they sit on the decision-making team, don’t feel that they can do or be these things, they leave, attack or, perhaps the worst, die inside.  We can influence someone who is ready to settle for one of these options.

Perhaps it might be a worthy exercise to provide some case studies to the executive team, leaving out the resolution, in order to foster discussion between them.  Why wait until there is a real situation to find out which opinion will win?  And from here, understand and influence such an opinion, where appropriate. 

If someone has the opportunity to share his/her perspective and to be heard in a safe environment, then the defenses are lowered.  A time for conversation and for consideration is easier to foster.  It’s here that those details which are illegal or morally questionable can be vetted thoroughly by those decision-makers.  It’s here that previous experiences can be shared to offer clarity around a particular perspective.  It’s here that the cause of the organization can be upheld stronger so that the decisions made are broader in context.

The natural question that arises here is, “Who decides who is right?”  Well, that’s where the forum matters so much.  Our ability to foster dialogue is crucial; however, if we cannot do this in an environment where the sharing of thoughts can happen, it will not produce the desired results.  Our impact is based upon the results that come from such a time.  With the end in mind, it behooves us to ensure that the environment is healthy for dialogue.  Remember, just being able to express a view and for it to be heard clearly is a large part of the battle. 

But, it must be understood, that there may be a divide between positions.  There will have to be an ultimate decision made.  Respect for the next steps of those individuals on the opposing side should be offered.  If someone feels so strongly about an opinion that he/she needs to leave the organization, then that’s okay.  You’ve established an environment for that person to share the different view, as well as to be heard.  Being heard is not the same as full agreement.  We help cultivate maturity through situations like this.

This is not wishful thinking, by the way.  I’ve sat in board meetings where perspectives and opinions were being shared.  People were being heard, but these people were also the hearers of others’ expressed opposite viewpoints.  It’s not about making everyone think the same.  Group think has lots of issues to contend with, too.  This is about readying your team to act when it needs to.  This is about ensuring a path towards an appropriate response in situations.  This is about allowing each other to find out where the edges have to be smoothed out or where they need to be left sharp.

In Mommie Dearest, Faye Dunaway portrays Joan Crawford.  It’s an ugly look into the movie star’s life and her influence on her children.  There is one ancillary scene towards the end of Joan’s life where her husband, Al Steele, has died and left her with his seat on the board for Pepsi Cola.  She attends the first meeting afterwards only to be patronized by the remaining all-male board and “kindly” offered to be excused.  It was the first time a woman had been on the board.  The men did not know how to respond and had not worked through it ahead of time.  They were made to feel ridiculous and she offered a solid perspective on it that they could not dispute, but only to welcome her onto the board.

And while there are laws today which would prevent what Joan Crawford went through, there are still plenty of perspectives out there.  Someone has to listen to them, to understand them, to challenge them, even if it’s just to be prepared with a response as to why it’s the way it is.  Oh, and “because I said so” is not a thoughtful response or position.  Just in case that’s what your plan was.

Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Tenacious resolve.  Boy, it can be annoying.  Once or twice a week, I am on a train.  When I hop a train to New York City, I find a person or two with this tenacity around seating.  These people would sooner cut you than have you sit next to them.  They put their briefcase or purse on the seat next to them.  Fearful people walk by the open seat for fear of reprisal from the presumed bold person who would dare hold the seat with baggage.  I have watched a passenger stand by the seat, look down at the purse, look over at the owner seated next to it (who never looks up, to the right or to the left), and then walk on.  Where is the resolve? 

For those who’ve traveled with me, you could attest to the fact that I am of the type to board the train, pick up the baggage on the open seat, hand it over to the owner and sit happily for the remainder of the ride.  Only once did I have the baggage owner say something to me.  I did not look up, to the left or to the right.  I consoled myself with the thought of throwing momma from the train (probably the only positive context I can offer from that movie).  I exude resolve in that kind of circumstance.

This trait is not found in all people naturally.  It is, however, something that can be learned.  Tenacity is grown from a response to a core belief.  In the previous example, fairness is violated.  If fairness or justice or a sense of right and wrong matter to you, that can be built upon to develop tenacity around defending such a position or offering active engagement to its display.  It’s a manifestation of your belief system.

Think about your goals for this year.  It’s halfway through the year.  Do you still believe in them?  Take some time to measure where you’ve gotten with them and what’s needed to accomplish these goals.  But also, assess the tenacity with which you’ve approached the path towards those goals.  Do you fight for them?  Is your resolve deep around them?

Goals are important.  For as much as they’ve been over-complicated in creation, the point of them remains strong.  Goals serve as a beacon.  They are to drive the daily strain.  They allow for mile-markers of celebration on the path towards them.  They are the driving force of an organization.  If you don’t know where you want to go, then where are we going?

Being strong in our resolve towards these goals takes an unapologetic position.  Unapologetic is not the same as mean.  Be tenacious in protecting those goals, even if there is an alteration that has to happen to them.  Updating goals based upon new information is healthy.  If the new information is that you’re tired or it’s too hard, that is not healthy.  Goals should be designed to stretch you.  Easy to say, yes, but the point is to work hard to get this challenging objective. 

If you want to increase sales by 50%, calls will have to be made, networking will be expanded, pitching product and services will have to increase 100%, etc.  All of this takes great effort.  If you are not committed to the goal, then tenacity around it won’t develop.  Come back to goal creation.  Where do you want to get to and why?  Answer that clearly and create objectives to get there.

For those who are privileged to lead a team, work with each individual to develop strong resolve around the goals set.  Help them to know how to get to where they’d like to be.  Avoid the common issue of goals being set to paper, and then little else.  You have a great chance to enhance and develop skill sets for your team.  And then the celebration around accomplishment is even sweeter when it’s a collaborative effort of support and encouragement.

Fight more for the goals you’ve set.  Don’t cower.  Stand up and move towards accomplishment of those goals.  Remain laser-focused.  If someone has put a piece of luggage in your seat, move it.  You paid for your ticket.  You were up early to get the train.  You have a goal to get to the destination ahead.  See?  Think about goal-pursuit in simpler ways; it will help to foster tenacity.  And once you have the resolve behind the goals, watch out world!

Escapade

Starting over sounds like fun.  Remember when Billy Madison got to do all 12 years of school over again?  He challenged his father to let him redo each grade from 1^st to 12^th for two weeks per grade.  The goal was for Billy to show that he can work hard on his own, and therefore, be qualified to take over the family business.  And as a gibberish-speaking, Nintendo-playing, flaming bag of doggie poo lighting, raging drunk, that was going to be quite a feat.

Now perhaps you work for such a company owner.  Maybe, like Billy, your leader beat the odds and somehow ended up in the leader seat, despite having to wear loafer or Velcro shoes only due to an inability to tie a shoelace.  Maybe you’re wishing for your own do-over, or least the quickest escape. 

We both know that repairing the mistakes of others is an uphill climb.  It’s exhausting and it’s deflating to the soul.  Better would be to have a prevention plan in place and work from proactivity.  But this is for another blog….

What stands out from this is a positional consideration.  It’s very true that being at the ready with a dust pan and brush stinks, but consider using different tools and a different context.

If you’ve been positioned as a janitor, despite being hired for what you thought was a different role, act like you’re working in the position you were hired for.  Stop taking on only a cleaning role, but more, stop letting others think that is your role.  You can’t always quit your job and just start over somewhere else.  It’s not that easy.  Enact subtle changes now to re-position yourself into the role you were hired for originally.

What if, instead of loathing the company owner described above, you chose to be a partner?  Put yourself on his/her schedule for breakfast or lunch.  Ask about his/her hopes for the company.  Ask how he/she hopes to get that done.  Ask how he/she sees the organization needing to change or bend to make that happen.  Put down the broom and pick up a pen (or iPad).  Have a couple of meals together to unpack these questions and the ones they’ll lead to.  Take notes.  You’ll see the small ways you can insert your expertise and ideas into the conversation.  You can begin to change the view of your role in that leader’s eyes.

Come back to mission and vision.  Plan, in your second to fourth meal time, to bring up what you understand the mission to be.  How does your manager see it?  Are there connections to the expressed hopes for the organization?  You’re now moving into an analytical posture with your leadership.  That’s an attractive position because it opens the door wider for analysis of the organization.

Look at the team around you, too.  Where are strengths being used?  Where are they lacking?  And is the right person doing the right thing?  You already know that your role has mutated unhealthily, so don’t be surprised that others are suffering in the same way.  Put down the dust pan and pick up a conductor’s baton.  Pull them out of it and put them in places to showcase the hirable skills originally displayed.  And if there are tasks that need to be done, get them done, but be smart about assigning them.  Look to see where those tasks make the most sense.  Remember, you can then speak to your manager about this thoughtfulness and restructuring in the context of the conversations you’ve been having with him/her.

That alignment is a display of giftedness meant for your role.  Granted, clean-up is important, especially when you first get to a company.  However, don’t stay in that posture.  Just because you can clean up doesn’t mean you should always do it.  And if there is that much going on, something is broken and you can fix it.

A stumble along this new path may occur.  You might find that the last week has put you back into clean-up mode only.  It’s okay.  You’re re-training yourself as well as others.  A step back is not uncommon.  Just make a course correction.

You can start over right where you are.  Make weeks into escapades rather than preparation to escape!  You don’t need to go back to first grade to prove you have something valuable to offer.  But, if you start seeing giant penguins running around the office, the pressure has definitely gotten to you.  Time to use some PTO.

Are We Ourselves?

Assertive versus Aggressive.  Confidence versus Conceit.  As a leader, we might display one over the other.  There was a guy I knew in high school who parlayed confidence into conceit on a regular basis.  He annoyed the crap out of me, but I found myself swimming in his lane to fight back.  I had become that rude jerk.  I was merely trying to be an assertive alpha male (my skinny frame didn't make it so easy to do....stupid track team), but it didn't translate that way to others.

While an assertive person channels and promotes good communication, the slide into aggression parlays that into interruption and talking over people.  It's a subtle slide.  There are characteristics that start healthy enough but then become twisted and contorted by a shifting foundation.

Is there something more lurking just a little deeper?  A lack of self-esteem may be at play.  It's not to say you don't have any self-esteem, but rather it's development might be askew.  Dr. Michael Miller, former editor in chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter, says, “It’s more likely that self-esteem will come as a result of accurate self-understanding, appreciation of one’s genuine skills, and the satisfaction of helping others.”  As managers, is this our stance?

Observations for years show me how much management often find their identity in the work they do.  This becomes the basis for self-worth and self-esteem.  And this is a simple recipe for disaster.  When we base our esteem upon shifting sand, such as a particular organization, the work being done or even the people we work with, the foundation is based upon change.  People leave, we leave, the work changes and organizations are sold, merged, restructured or altered.  If we live for the company, we will be disappointed.

Our audience, however, might be receiving management poorly based upon the dilemma of assertive/aggressive or confidence/conceit.  Again, if it's a matter of self-esteem, your staff can easily identify the difference.  When a manager is over-the-top or a micro-manager, the talk among employees will start rather quickly.  It sets a tone for response that's based upon someone's individual needs (in this case, the manager) rather than the good of the whole.  Staff begin to look for ways to avoid the wrath of a manager or even seeing the manager at all.  These goals supersede the goals of the department in the work to be done.

Such a backwards setup.  We short-circuit the efforts towards our department's goals by the way in which we struggle to handle ourselves and the workload, for instance.  Help is an okay option.  It's not a sign of weakness, despite the possibility that your employer may think so.  And while I know your job is important to you (your finances, for example!), it cannot be that you should become less of the person you are or are meant to be.  Simple to say, right?  But what does it profit you to be aggressive, struggling with self-esteem or self-worth and not meet the goals you've set for work?  Right the ship.  Take the time necessary to unravel what's been going on.

Typically, managing the esteem of a manager is not on a job description, yet we see it happen.  Don't be the manager putting employees in this situation.  Get grounded outside of the work.  Then, when work needs to be done, it is a matter of how to best do it, apart from it fulfilling some esteem needs.  And while I am far from a self-help guru, I do know enough that there is truth that a person must discover for himself/herself that is separate from work, from a person or from status.  Take the time to examine yourself and find out what's true about you.

In human resources, we can find ourselves giving so much to others, which is a part of our job, that we tax our own foundation.  We must be sure to connect inwardly.

Pushing the envelope is worth it.  Don't fear being assertive.  It does matter in driving the goals of your department.  However, it is meant to be done with a specific goal in mind for the organization, not for your esteem.  If work defines you, take a small step back and look at the bigger picture.  Your role needs you to be as with it as possible.  You are the one in the role for a reason.  Get back to you.

You Don't Own Me

It's not likely to be news that words have power.  They have power to alter behavior, influence change, lead a revolution and cause the deepest kinds of pain possible.  As professionals, we might forget that people still are impacted by words.  Perhaps we've taken to bending the truth in our conversations to either soften the blow or paint a better picture of things so that employees don't lose heart.  While there are a couple of studies that try to prove the value of lying, there are more that point to honest transparency as the beneficial route.  Whatever the reasons might be, our words matter.  

Have you seen the little girl telling her dad a lie about what happened to Barbie (and why?).  You must!  Amazing insight into our DNA.  We're not taught how to lie; it's a natural phenomenon for us.  We just do it in order to avoid trouble, deflect attention or save our skin.  Truth is easily replaced by a lie.  Consider the countless times people get pulled over.  Think everyone tells the cop the truth?  Or even playing the "I was speeding? I had no idea. Oh my gosh," when you know full well that you were flooring it.  Some of us give Oscar-worthy performances!

Fear is a huge motivator of our words.  What would it mean if an HR Manager said that he/she didn't know something that's HR related?  It shouldn't be a shock, but fear might stand in the way of that HR Manager being honest.  He/She might be afraid of looking weak or not-as-experienced as a supervisor would expect.  And so, if we are backed into a corner with our fear, we might lie.  We might say we know something.  We might say we have done a certain task.  We might offer perspective as if we've been there-done that.  All of it is dishonest.  And now those lies have to be built upon as time goes on.  Those lies own you.

Organizational health functions best in honesty.  When staff know that the words of the leaders are real, the response is genuine.  In late 2008, when the economy in the US fell due to the housing crisis, company leaders sat with their employees to let them know what was going on.  In some of those conversations, layoffs were presented as a viable option to save money.  The response from many employees was to keep everyone and just reduce every employee's hours.  They understood what was happening, why it was happening, and based upon the honest dialogue from leadership, volunteered a plan of action.  While the stress of the economics was real and cannot be denied, there was health in the approach to all get into the same boat and hold on.

It is important to note that no one is alone in this.  In some ways, we've helped create a culture of untruth.  Our fantasies are affirmed more than our realities.  We have allowed our leadership to be untrustworthy for a long while.  Just looking at our political landscape reflects such a position. Our role as management, as leaders, is to break the cycle.  I am not naive to think that this will mean open doors for everything with full disclosure.  Quite frankly, there are details that are not for the world to know.  This is not dishonest if it's shared just that way...."Here's what I can tell you and understand there are some parts that I cannot offer much detail due to (confidentiality, a matter of law, unsettled circumstances, etc.)"

We have one another to stand with in our doubt, in our lack of knowledge and in our fear. It's okay to not know something.  That's the beauty of asking our community, of attending seminars and workshops, of developing friendships with managers from other companies.  We can't know it all, and we have to be okay to say so.  Honestly, I know for myself and some others who've shared with superiors where our difficulties were, we were not fired.

Perhaps, you find this whole topic puzzling or amateur.  Fine, but the reality is that there is enough fear pushing a lack of truth in our workplaces.  If it's not you, it may be someone working for you.  Do our staff feel that they can say what they don't know without fear of reprisal?  Are they apt to lie?  How can we cultivate a different environment?

In HR, we see people lie often.  It's sad, but true.  We read resumes containing experiences that never occurred.  We hear from employees in a disciplinary situation covering their butts.  We hear executives tell us that everyone will keep their jobs as a result of a merger.  It is all around us.  We can push for a more honest culture by being an example first.

Here Comes the Hammer

A smirky demeanor.  An eagerness to deliver bad news.  A willingness to be the bad guy.  It’s the callousness that might accompany the final step of employment for an individual.  Have you seen it?  Are you guilty of being this person?

From a humanistic standpoint, there is satisfaction in watching a poor performer lose.  It’s why movies like “Working Girl” or “9 to 5” are shown on TCM.  The plot lines are classic and stir up in us a desire to see someone pay for taking credit for the work of others.  We want to see that perpetrator fired.  We want to see the hard-working underdog get his/her retribution and overdue recognition.  Our nature inclines toward a measure of justice, fairness and goodness.

And yet, when a termination has to happen, even if for those reasons, do we in human resources lose our composure and impartiality?  Think about why Roz, the HR Manager, in "9 to 5" is believable.  And though we’re not judges, we do represent the larger picture for the organizational culture we seek to encourage.  If we’re cruel with someone’s feelings or circumstances, then others who work in the organization might view our approach as exemplary of how things are done at the company.  What was just about a termination might now open the door for sub-par treatment in other employment relationships.

Consider:

• Gossip – How many people really need to know about the termination?  The temptation to share with at least one other person is real.  And while that may not tempt you, it may be that the HR team has taken to inter-departmental gossip about a particular person’s departure.  We call that “safe” since it’s among the HR staff.  Is it?  What is our example to our junior staff members?  If we complain that HR is not included in some other components of the organization’s function and development, perhaps it’s due to the known loose lips of the HR department, even amongst each other.  Gossip is only about making you feel better about yourself, pure and simple.  Listen to what you’re saying about others as you share.  Would you just die if those personal notes were being shared about you to others?
• Just Cause – Of course, documentation is a necessary component of any good termination process as it really starts as part of the overall discipline process, but are you building a case out of a real problematic situation or more because you don’t like the person?  I have watched good employees be terminated because someone did not like a personality, a habit, a laugh (I’m not kidding), etc.  Would it be any surprise that people would be afraid to be around an HR department like this?  Who could be secure?  Look at why and how these terminations are occurring.  Validity and consistency of approach are pillars for the HR team.
• Management Training – Every termination is an opportunity to grow management.  Allow each situation to be a case study for discussion, explanation and potential change with management.  Is there something that should have been or could be done better?  Look together at how this termination might spur others on towards excellence.  How do we foster that?  Develop a plan of growth with management for those employees whose cages will be rattled.  Train a manager through this.  Or just settle for the basic thrill of dropping the hammer on someone’s employment.  It’s too easy to merely laugh with management and then be done.  Use every opportunity to grow people.
• HR Support – Why did this employee fail?  While, in certain circumstances, it will be hard to find anything more that the organization could have done to support the success of the employee, it won’t be the case all of the time.  What broke?  Why?  If it means job duty changes, do it.  If it’s about qualifications rather than the duties, then update them.  If a manager is struggling to deal with someone different than him/her, then coach them.  Whatever action has to happen, work out a plan to do it.  Too many HR departments will sit back after a termination and throttle the manager or other employees in the department.  We know best, right?  As we sit in our unapproachable offices sitting on our ergonomic throne, we dictate our truths about our people and our company.  Probably not the best approach.

This employee being fired is a person.  And as simple as this last thought may be, it is classically the one forgotten the most.  He/She has to go home and tell loved ones.  He/She has to deal with what's next.  And while it may be completely the fault of this person as to why the separation is occurring, and we had to act to separate, this person should be treated respectfully in the process.  It may not make for a great movie to end this way, but it makes for a great company when even the separation displays the right kind of response and culture.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Is it really?  I heard a woman severely curse off a Walmart Customer Service representative, while the woman’s 2 year-old child was in tow listening to every word.  I have had quite a few people tell me this is the worst time of year.  I have seen more than the usual amount of birds being flipped out of car windows on the highway.  And I have observed a toddler lose their mind on the streets of NYC because his mother wouldn’t buy him the toy he needed.  Ah, the holidays.

And when I walk through the halls of companies, I see employees devoid of emotion going through the task-management of the holiday season with no connection to one another or to the joy of the season.  I see managers with scowls, associates with the faintest hint of a fake smile and HR people stressed out of their minds due to W2’s, ACA 1095’s, compliance reporting, labor law updates, minimum wage changes and the list goes on.

Know what I say?  Enjoy the time.  Embrace the thrill of the season.  Go to a department store or mall and watch the little kids excitedly get on Santa’s lap.  Find those who have not yet been jaded by life and have learned to hate this time.  Change the vantage point you’re working from.

True followers of behavioral modification will tell you that change happens now.  Just make the change, that’s the easy part.  Stop with the frown and get on with the smile.  And yet, the trick in behavioral modification is sustainability.  What can be done to keep behavior changed?  How does the decision I’ve made today last longer than just today?

For all people, it comes down to the same decision being made every day.  Today may be the first day, but there are more days to consider and decide on.  I know for me that today has enough troubles of its own, so I don’t need to travel too far down the road of what might be in days to come.  Focus on today first.  What am I doing and why?

For those with real pain that seems to pierce the veil during the holiday season, I hear you.  Take courage because there are many in the same boat.  Find each other and decide to be a reason for joy for him/her.  Look for ways to serve others and watch how much the burden lifts from you.  It’s not idealistic; it’s psychological. 

My friend +Steve Browne often speaks of being positive in HR.  One of the best ways to do it is to foster deliberate and simple steps to think differently.  We don’t have to have our Master’s degrees or 300 letters after our names to be able to affect change in thought and dynamic.  We have to inspire others to make healthy decisions for themselves and, in turn, for the organization.  Our culture is impacted greatly by such an attitude in staff.

When I watch “Elf” each season, I am always struck by the forced conformity placed upon Buddy by his father and the world around him.  His overly enthusiastic self is asked to be buttoned down into a suit and tie.  He rebels, puts back on the elf suit and reconnects with Santa.  The rebellion is based upon a decision.  He decides to return to the positivity of what he knows.  We, too, have the choice to return to the positivity of what we know.  You're always going to have a new law to adhere to; we always do so don't stress.  Get the elf suit on and enjoy this time of year!

Hello

People management as a career carries with it many necessary skill sets.  A bit of counseling, a dash of conflict management, a hint of patience and a strong dose of listening skills blend together to ensure that the staff you serve know they are heard and valued.  The management of people is not a natural ebb and flow for most; it’s a dance mastered through practice, research and observation.  Curious, I don’t see much of it taught on the university level.  Management courses on business development, organizational development and finance (and their off-shoots) fill the curriculum for collegiate study.

I recall taking an interpersonal skills course in college, and there were seven of us on day one.  By day two one had dropped as the size of the class was already too uncomfortable for him.  So, the six of us plowed through various psychology and communicative styles in order to appreciate other approaches and develop our own more deeply.  It was thoroughly challenging and incredibly vulnerable.

So much of what was emphasized was basic response-oriented training.  When someone walks into a room, acknowledge that person - say hello, ask them to have a seat, ask if you can help them.  Body language, verbal cues and facial expression are a functional part of managing people.  Further, and more likely for many these days, the tonality and inflection of the voice on the phone, and the sentence construct on a text or email, set the stage for an appropriate conversation with an employee.

As our work in the human resources field continues to move in a metric-oriented discipline, which has great merit, it is vital that we not lose our people management skill set.  And if you’ve never had a people management skill set, then it is time to work on it. 

When people come to you, there has already been a story playing for them.  Pain or anger may have taken root, depending on the situation.  Broken relationships cut deep – whether breakups, divorces or death.  Our job is to get to the heart of it.  We’re not counselors, understood, but if an employee is walking into your office, then bet your bottom dollar that whatever the issue is will distract that person from work.  It is now a work consideration.

Basic coping mechanisms may be extended to the person, and sometimes that happens naturally just by having someone on whom to unload.  The skill sets of the employee could be clouded, but our act of listening and providing visual cues of such attention might move those clouds.  The ability to jump back into the swing of “normal” functioning may be as simple as that.  Yet, when the door is consistently closed and the email goes unanswered, an employee dives deeper into his/her issue, making it more difficult to un-cloud.

Everyone has a story.  There is no one free from baggage.  Everyone wants more time.  Everyone has regrets (or would like a do-over on some things).  Everyone has lost their way for a bit.  Remember this as a people manager.  Those we manage do look to us.  What do they see?  Of course, depending on the situation, there are likely to be more steps after listening, but the first step sets the right tone.

Answer the phone, respond to the email, open your door.  Engage with your people.  It doesn’t need to be seen as an employee engagement objective.  It should be seen as being a person.  A person who can support another person.  And sometimes we’ll have quite a heavy burden to share in with this employee.  We can manage the road together.

The Boss

Managing people is a skill. Yes, there are attributes that come easier for some which allow them to manage easier, but the use and refinement of those attributes is what makes it right.  The guilt some feel about not being a good manager is often a result of comparison to one of these “naturals.”

Are you a natural?  Do you find yourself easily speaking with your team?  Do you find that there is an ability to connect with people that just flows from you?  That’s wonderful! But, it doesn’t mean that you’re managing people.  It could mean that you are a great friend, a great listener, or a great motivator, but it doesn’t mean management is natural.  Being the boss is meant to be categorized by effectiveness, best use of talent and profitability, to start, not merely being the "fun" manager.

Think about a boss you’ve had that you liked. Perhaps the reason you liked him/her is because of the great manner with which your department was led.  You liked that he/she took the reigns, presented as a resource for the team and kept everyone focused on the mission.  You like that.  You crave good direction.  You desire knowledgeable people to take seriously their role.  Perhaps.

Or perhaps it was because you connected with him/her relationally.  You had common interests.  You shared a passion for sports, for a hobby or for beer (maybe beer is a hobby?).  You got to know each other’s families.  You shared time outside of work being social.  Did that make the person a great manager?  Or merely a great friend?

I am not suggesting that every manager become a Miranda Priestly and remain clearly unfriendly and distant.  However, I am suggesting that swinging the pendulum too far the other way might make managing just as a difficult.  Hone in the skill sets needed to manage effectively and use those skills as you rally your team together.

Time – There is a skill involved in planning and in the usage of time.  If you are someone that just lets things “get away from you” then you aren’t managing.  Time needs to be managed.  Haven’t we all looked at the clock during the work day and thought, “How can it be 3PM? I haven’t gotten done what I needed to today.”  Be competent in time management and help your team to pursue a similar goal.  Efficiencies to process are certainly business-centric and are worth the effort.

Material Knowledge – What do we make, how do we make it, why do we make it.  If it’s a service-related industry, follow the same pattern – what do we do, how do we do it, why do we do it.  You’ve got to know this backward and forward, and be able to translate it well to your team.  They will look to you to see how seriously they should know the answers to those questions.  If it’s just a job for you, then don’t be surprised when it’s just the same for your team.  Be passionate about the ingredients, materials, resources used to get done what you are tasked to get done.

Communication – “Hey, Bud, how ya doin’ today?” should not serve as the moniker of your relational investment.  What does that communicate?  Likely, you are a necessary person in my life and I can’t avoid it.  Intentionality in communication is necessary.  Plan what needs to be said; don’t hope you remember.  Know what and why things have to be shared, the time it will take to do so and the opportunities for that communication to be collaborative. 

Of course, there are more elements than this, but deciding to become proficient in these areas will certainly impact the team being managed.  Once there is a mastery in skill development and process, then begin to attack the next step.  It will become second nature.

The effort matters.  A manager who is deliberate in seeking to refine those skills or to develop new ones sets a stronger tone in his/her department right away.  Your staff will recognize that you’re not there to be everyone’s best friend, but to be a developer of talent by taking seriously your own development.  It also communicates a belief that not everyone is a “natural.”  It’s okay to work at it.  Think about the impact on the team you lead if they see you studying, practicing and exercising these skills.  You will be encouraging them to do the same in their areas of functional responsibility and soft skill development.

There were many days were I would have liked to do a “Devil-Wears-Prada-Throw-My Jacket-On-The-Head-Of-An-Employee” moment, but I didn’t.  I had to make the decision that the proactive development of my management style would be compromised by either creating a too-friendly demeanor or a too-mean demeanor.  So, hold onto your jacket as you walk in and hang it up yourself!