Can't Stop the Feeling

Standing firm in an opinion is admirable.  Standing firm in an opinion is foolishness.  Which is right?  I’ve had managers defend their stance to me in various contexts and situations.  And there are times I’ve agreed with them and there are times I’ve not.  There are times I’ve had to ask them what they were thinking (a question I have regretted asking upon occasion because they’ve told me).

Whose perspective gets to win out and why? Is it just based upon how we’re feeling? If so, that has to stop.  

Often, the person with the most power gets to win.  The executive, the c-suite, the board of directors...one of them can pull ahead in the winning viewpoint rather easily.  The trick might just be to work with this level in understanding the winning perspective as well as influencing it. 

Remember that freshman year of Psych 101?  One of the many classic truths taught was that people want to be heard and validated.  Our need to belong and to contribute runs deep.  When people, especially when they sit on the decision-making team, don’t feel that they can do or be these things, they leave, attack or, perhaps the worst, die inside.  We can influence someone who is ready to settle for one of these options.

Perhaps it might be a worthy exercise to provide some case studies to the executive team, leaving out the resolution, in order to foster discussion between them.  Why wait until there is a real situation to find out which opinion will win?  And from here, understand and influence such an opinion, where appropriate. 

If someone has the opportunity to share his/her perspective and to be heard in a safe environment, then the defenses are lowered.  A time for conversation and for consideration is easier to foster.  It’s here that those details which are illegal or morally questionable can be vetted thoroughly by those decision-makers.  It’s here that previous experiences can be shared to offer clarity around a particular perspective.  It’s here that the cause of the organization can be upheld stronger so that the decisions made are broader in context.

The natural question that arises here is, “Who decides who is right?”  Well, that’s where the forum matters so much.  Our ability to foster dialogue is crucial; however, if we cannot do this in an environment where the sharing of thoughts can happen, it will not produce the desired results.  Our impact is based upon the results that come from such a time.  With the end in mind, it behooves us to ensure that the environment is healthy for dialogue.  Remember, just being able to express a view and for it to be heard clearly is a large part of the battle. 

But, it must be understood, that there may be a divide between positions.  There will have to be an ultimate decision made.  Respect for the next steps of those individuals on the opposing side should be offered.  If someone feels so strongly about an opinion that he/she needs to leave the organization, then that’s okay.  You’ve established an environment for that person to share the different view, as well as to be heard.  Being heard is not the same as full agreement.  We help cultivate maturity through situations like this.

This is not wishful thinking, by the way.  I’ve sat in board meetings where perspectives and opinions were being shared.  People were being heard, but these people were also the hearers of others’ expressed opposite viewpoints.  It’s not about making everyone think the same.  Group think has lots of issues to contend with, too.  This is about readying your team to act when it needs to.  This is about ensuring a path towards an appropriate response in situations.  This is about allowing each other to find out where the edges have to be smoothed out or where they need to be left sharp.

In Mommie Dearest, Faye Dunaway portrays Joan Crawford.  It’s an ugly look into the movie star’s life and her influence on her children.  There is one ancillary scene towards the end of Joan’s life where her husband, Al Steele, has died and left her with his seat on the board for Pepsi Cola.  She attends the first meeting afterwards only to be patronized by the remaining all-male board and “kindly” offered to be excused.  It was the first time a woman had been on the board.  The men did not know how to respond and had not worked through it ahead of time.  They were made to feel ridiculous and she offered a solid perspective on it that they could not dispute, but only to welcome her onto the board.

And while there are laws today which would prevent what Joan Crawford went through, there are still plenty of perspectives out there.  Someone has to listen to them, to understand them, to challenge them, even if it’s just to be prepared with a response as to why it’s the way it is.  Oh, and “because I said so” is not a thoughtful response or position.  Just in case that’s what your plan was.

Trouble

Tuesday nights at 8:30, you would find me on the living room floor, eating a bowl of cereal, watching “Laverne & Shirley.”  That was my routine for years as a kid.  That show would crack me up.  These two women would find themselves in all sorts of situations, that were often caused by them.  The remainder of the show would be about how they would unravel the trouble.  The classic misunderstandings, assumptions, over-promising and poorly defined expectations filled most of the plotlines. 

Sound a bit like work?  Think of the trouble caused by misunderstanding, to start.  Often, I hear the following:

• I didn’t know that was what he was asking me to do
• Wait, you meant for me to do that this week?
• I think my boss is trying to make me look bad on purpose
• How can I be expected to do anything more? No one knows all of what I do

Lack of clarity around process, personnel and results often find themselves into our daily  “issue board.”  You know, that growing list of concerns or problems brought up by misunderstanding.  Think of the extra meetings you’ve had to bridge the gaps towards understanding.  Lots, right?

I recall one particular time where I calculated 15 hours of my 40-hour work week spent on meetings I had not planned on having in order to mediate the trouble that was brewing surrounding misunderstanding, unrealized expectations and a general lack of grace towards each other.  That was 37.5% of my work week.  Productive?  Maybe.  Could it have been avoided to begin with?  Much of it could have been.

I know that there is much to learn through situations like this.  The “a-ha” moments usually come when someone, who has worked himself/herself into a tizzy, finds out that the “facts” he/she thought were off and it causes a reconsideration of how information is gathered and processed.  It’s a beautiful thing to watch.  And yet, if you find yourself in multiple situations like that, doesn’t that show more of a systemic issue?

Trouble is a difficult culture to break through.  There are some companies that love it.  They thrive on unhealthy relationships, difficult processes and a sloppy organizational design.  That’s not a dramatic statement.  Considering the amount of books, articles and workshops on dealing with toxic co-workers, difficult bosses and a separatist board of directors, it’s very reasonable to see that many companies must swim in this description and many of us deal with this on a regular basis.

As leaders, we ought to be proactive to thwart trouble before it begins.  We can offer direction on process, wisdom in relational dealings and passion behind seeking resolution directly.  It’s not meant to be emotionless, but it’s often the case that a culture allowed to be too emotional can end up being crippled by those emotions and fall short of the mission.  We can encourage folks to move beyond such short-sightedness.  The feeling is not where the prize is found; it’s in reaching the goal.

Consider marriage.  The wedding itself is a fun day.  It’s a party!  There is much to love and feel good about; however, the marriage itself is the goal.  Emotions won’t be in the same sphere each day as compared to the wedding.  If the marriage is based on the desire to feel the way they did on the wedding day, the marriage is doomed.  And so it is with business.  Not every day is the first day of work; not every day is the first sale made; not every day is the holiday party.  In between are days where a lack of clarity, issues around process and general trouble can occur.  Taking a proactive stance to thwart such problems and to add value to the communicative process so that others can perform it without you is our job.

Open the dialogue, call others to a higher standard and bring issues out into the open with the purpose of educating, diffusing and moving on.  Trouble festers if left unattended.  Don’t let it happen.  You can make such an impact.  I mean, if Laverne and Shirley were able to do it in a 30-minute time slot, I have faith that you can get it done in a timely manner.  Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated to all!

Magic Man

(by +Victorio Milian)

Like many people, I can appreciate a good magic trick. When I was growing up television specials featuring performers such as David Copperfield, Doug Henning, as well as Penn and Teller were regular events. And in New York City you can actually walk down the street and run across street performers doing some pretty cool things. 

Part of how a trick works is that its mechanics are hidden from the audience. Whether its card tricks or displays of disappearing damsels, part of the fun (and what makes the magic, magic) is attempting to answer the question, 

Most magicians, understandably, don't tell you how they performed their tricks. Part of it is personal--a unique trick helps to differentiate one performer from another. Part of that reasoning is financial. If you reveal too much the audience loses interest and they stop paying to see you perform. David Copperfield, aside from being a talented illusionist, was also a wealthy one. He had a vested interest in making sure no one could decipher his tricks, going so far as to sue author Herbert L. Becker to prevent him from publishing a book in which he reveals magicians' tricks, including his own. 

Aside from the above, huge part of why magician's don't reveal their tricks is that it ruins the trick. For all that the audience may want to know, there's a part of them that doesn't. Magic lies in the audience's willing suspension of disbelief. We know that people can't pull coins out of our ears, or that pretty ladies can't be sawed in half and still live, or that the Statue of Liberty really disappeared. But we're still delighted by the trick. Very few people (Penn and Teller and Ricky Jay are two that come to mind for me) can be transparent as well as entertaining. 

In the customer service world a lot has changed. Yet satisfying consumer demand hasn't, it's only increased. Consumers have a variety of different ways to gather information about a brand. And company's feel pressured to reveal as much about themselves as reasonable, lest others do it for them. "Engagement" is the mantra of today. Having a presence online (whether to provide information, interact with others, or to allow customers to shop) is an important and ever growing part of a company's strategy. Rating systems, customer review sites, blogs that are for or against a certain brand make it seem that, in essence, customers are less willing to suspend their disbelief. With the amount of information produced and disseminated online it's increasingly difficult for an organization to provide a magical experience. 

As a Consultant, I'm not providing customer service in the same fashion as a Barista at Starbucks. I do however attempt to utilize my knowledge, skills and abilities in a similar fashion for the clients I work with. They have demands of me that I attempt to meet, and I endeavor do so in a fashion that goes above and beyond simply performing a transaction. I also work with organizations whose focus is to provide services to a particular audience. So part of my mission is supporting the client's attempt at delivering a magical experience. 

What can organizations and consultants do to ensure great customer service experiences? Here are a few suggestions:

• Understand and focus on your strengths. Some magicians can perform a variety of different tricks. Generally speaking, many tend to focus on a particular form of magic. Some are illusionists, others are great at slight-of-hand, and still others are excellent escape artists. Understanding what your organization's position of strength is with regards to your target market will allow you to focus resources on building it.

• Get the mechanics right. Magicians practice their tricks repeatedly until they become second nature. And feedback regarding if it was successful is pretty clear--people either like it or they don't.

There used to be a hangout spot, a deli, in New York. And in the back room, all of the top magicians would come and meet, and every young magician would go and try to learn something. I met a magician there... and he showed me an incredible card move, and as he was about to leave, I stopped him and said, "Please show me how to do this." He was like, "Kid, don't waste your time—you'll never get this." But before he left, he showed me how to do it, and for the next six months—every day—I practiced it.

Kalush, who's one of my best friends now, taught me that even when it feels like you're not going to succeed and everything is crumbling apart: keep going. David Blaine, Magician

Organizations and its members need to take this to heart. Get the mechanics (of resolving customer complaints, of managing orders, or whatever customer related process you're responsible for) right. Only then do you incorporate the magic.

• Understand your audience and focus on their needs. Some people want to be treated special. They want you to know their name and how they like their coffee. Others just want fast, efficient service, particularly when returning or exchanging an item. This requires that an employee be able to quickly and successfully interpret and respond to a customer's needs. It's that understanding that makes or breaks the experience.

That deficiency is part of the reason why many people hate dealing with call center representatives. Many reps are trained to work from a script and may have little flexibility in deviating from it. Lack of flexibility can make it difficult to satisfy the customer, especially if presented with an unusual situation. This is part of the reason that Zappos get high marks for their customer service. Their representatives don't use scripts. In addition, they're empowered to resolve most customer issues without management approval.

• Give them something worthwhile. Magical customer service goes beyond the transaction. Delighting your customers isn't a simple equation (efficient service + being nice = magical customer service). If you are a hack no amount of effort can make the audience (or customer) love you. 'Nuff said.

Ignorance isn't just bliss, sometimes it's magical. However, in an increasingly transparent world, customers and clients are less ignorant. Be prepared to deliver on these changing expectations by understanding your organization's strengths, getting the basics right, understanding your customer's needs, and being able to give them something worthwhile. Then you should be able to consistently create memorable magic.

Problem

Healing.  It’s a gift.  In my life, I have experienced mercy and grace which has allowed healing to take place, mostly in myself and in relationship to others.  The ability to offer such a gift to others has no monetary price tag, but I know it comes at a cost.

When I have given a road for healing to others, it’s not always what I might want to do.  I defer to being bitter, angry, vindictive or self-righteous.  It’s my nature, and I don’t think I am alone in that.  I have a right to be hurt.  That person was callous, egotistical or just plain wrong.  And now, the relationship is damaged.  This damaged relationship is now impacting situations, workflow or other relationships.  The impact of this problem is tension, a rift or brokenness and it is far-reaching and, for businesses, costly.

As the week’s events between SHRM and HRCI have unfolded, I kept coming back to this idea of healing.  HR professionals know that we are often (if not always) called upon to mend relationship and change the course of brokenness in the workplace.  We converse with the injured parties; we bring our affirming communicative skills to bear on the situation; we coach the parties to seek resolution.  We recognize that there really can be someone in the wrong, but that does not have to be where the situation ends.  Now that error is seen, what are we doing to mend it?  We push for repair and then growth to learn how to deal with similar facts in the future.

SHRM and HRCI feel a little like Mom and Dad fighting.  This week, I have felt like the kid from the marriage watching, listening and being heart-broken.  I love both of my parents.  I have demonstrated allegiance to both sides and expressed love equally.  Just as in most divorce situations, Mom and Dad’s individual needs and wants have evolved for some time.  Both sides are looking back and trying to pinpoint when the complimentary paths diverged.  And regardless of fault or blame, they are now dealing with the gap that has widened between them and their expectations of each other.

The kids in a divorce situation want to help.  They want things to go back to how they were.  They want healing.  For us, as HR professionals, we must not choose sides but appreciate each side independently of the other.  It’s not our job to fix their relationship; these two sides consist of big girls and boys who can and should find their way to common ground for the sake of the professionals they serve.  Just as kids often cannot fix mom and dad’s relationship, we find ourselves heartsick observers. 

What we can choose to do is be a conduit for healing as opportunity strikes.  Share with each side how we feel.  Maintain the integrity of our roles as HR professionals.  Continue to be proud of the growth and accomplishments we’ve achieved that both sides have afforded, whether PHR/SPHR/GPHR certification or volunteer leadership positions in SHRM.  We have been cared for by both organizations.  Let’s return that care back to the two sides that are in need now.

Again, healing is a gift.  It’s not a wussy, feel good sentiment, but a willful decision with measurable results.  That kind of decision ought to be the type that we’re already used to making as HR professionals.  Listen up, Kids! There's a problem. Mom and Dad need us now.