Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Tenacious resolve.  Boy, it can be annoying.  Once or twice a week, I am on a train.  When I hop a train to New York City, I find a person or two with this tenacity around seating.  These people would sooner cut you than have you sit next to them.  They put their briefcase or purse on the seat next to them.  Fearful people walk by the open seat for fear of reprisal from the presumed bold person who would dare hold the seat with baggage.  I have watched a passenger stand by the seat, look down at the purse, look over at the owner seated next to it (who never looks up, to the right or to the left), and then walk on.  Where is the resolve? 

For those who’ve traveled with me, you could attest to the fact that I am of the type to board the train, pick up the baggage on the open seat, hand it over to the owner and sit happily for the remainder of the ride.  Only once did I have the baggage owner say something to me.  I did not look up, to the left or to the right.  I consoled myself with the thought of throwing momma from the train (probably the only positive context I can offer from that movie).  I exude resolve in that kind of circumstance.

This trait is not found in all people naturally.  It is, however, something that can be learned.  Tenacity is grown from a response to a core belief.  In the previous example, fairness is violated.  If fairness or justice or a sense of right and wrong matter to you, that can be built upon to develop tenacity around defending such a position or offering active engagement to its display.  It’s a manifestation of your belief system.

Think about your goals for this year.  It’s halfway through the year.  Do you still believe in them?  Take some time to measure where you’ve gotten with them and what’s needed to accomplish these goals.  But also, assess the tenacity with which you’ve approached the path towards those goals.  Do you fight for them?  Is your resolve deep around them?

Goals are important.  For as much as they’ve been over-complicated in creation, the point of them remains strong.  Goals serve as a beacon.  They are to drive the daily strain.  They allow for mile-markers of celebration on the path towards them.  They are the driving force of an organization.  If you don’t know where you want to go, then where are we going?

Being strong in our resolve towards these goals takes an unapologetic position.  Unapologetic is not the same as mean.  Be tenacious in protecting those goals, even if there is an alteration that has to happen to them.  Updating goals based upon new information is healthy.  If the new information is that you’re tired or it’s too hard, that is not healthy.  Goals should be designed to stretch you.  Easy to say, yes, but the point is to work hard to get this challenging objective. 

If you want to increase sales by 50%, calls will have to be made, networking will be expanded, pitching product and services will have to increase 100%, etc.  All of this takes great effort.  If you are not committed to the goal, then tenacity around it won’t develop.  Come back to goal creation.  Where do you want to get to and why?  Answer that clearly and create objectives to get there.

For those who are privileged to lead a team, work with each individual to develop strong resolve around the goals set.  Help them to know how to get to where they’d like to be.  Avoid the common issue of goals being set to paper, and then little else.  You have a great chance to enhance and develop skill sets for your team.  And then the celebration around accomplishment is even sweeter when it’s a collaborative effort of support and encouragement.

Fight more for the goals you’ve set.  Don’t cower.  Stand up and move towards accomplishment of those goals.  Remain laser-focused.  If someone has put a piece of luggage in your seat, move it.  You paid for your ticket.  You were up early to get the train.  You have a goal to get to the destination ahead.  See?  Think about goal-pursuit in simpler ways; it will help to foster tenacity.  And once you have the resolve behind the goals, watch out world!

Apologize

Simple: When you do something wrong, say you’re sorry.  Whether that action was purposeful or accidental, a sincere apology should be offered to those affected by the action(s).  It’s very simple.  Yet, the truth is that it’s hard to do. 

We love to watch others mess up, though, don’t we?  We are outraged at public figures who make mistakes – small and large – and then have to apologize in public ways.  Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Michael Phelps, Ariana Grande, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Hope Solo, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, etc. have all had to do it.  We hunker down to watch TMZ show us all of the dirt that lead to the apology and then listen to interviews of “professionals” who diagnose the apologies offered.  We are sick people.

On an individual basis, we don’t like being wrong.  Usually, it’s because we really don’t think we’re wrong.  We choose to put our efforts into defending our position, outlining the course of events that lead to the repercussions and to bringing up the twelve previous wrongs of the “offended” party.  We’d rather keep the truth of our wrongdoing to ourselves.

Consider this: How many people do you think do wrong things daily?  Even if 75% of those doing wrong do so on purpose, there are still 25% of those who’ve done wrong without intention.  Why should it be hard for 25% of the population to apologize when a mistake is made?  FYI – that would be about 1.75 billion people.  There would be media coverage and interviews due to the buzz of apology.

In our businesses, why is the act of apology disproportionate?  Specifically, why is it difficult to have senior leadership own their shortcomings?  News flash: There are qualified individuals in senior leadership roles who make mistakes.  Think about the first time you held a new position.  Not just with a new company, but the position itself was new to you.  You’d never been a manager before.  A director, a VP, or a CEO before.  It had to be the first time at some point.  Why would anyone think that someone in a new role would get it all right all of the time?  Apologies should be expected to come.

And pride?  Please.  You’re going to make mistakes.  Own them.  Your pride can handle it, and if you think it can’t, you shouldn’t be working where you work, or in the role you have…or with people.  Own it and say you’re sorry.  You cannot really think that you are the first to make an error, do you?  You think because you’re a CEO, you will damage your reputation or status as a leader by owning mistakes?  Think about what you’re doing to your reputation by not owning the mistakes you’ve made.  Everyone knows already; your screw-ups aren’t a secret.

The other side of the coin is not right either.  Don’t you know someone who often begins sentences with, “I’m sorry”?  Stop apologizing for so much.  When you say you’re sorry all of the time, it’s like crying wolf.  It loses its punch and sincerity.  What about when you really need to apologize?  Won’t it seem like every other sentence?

Offering the apology is appropriate when something was done wrong.  Offering the apology is appropriate when something was received wrongly.  Of course your intention is important, but it may not overshadow the way others took what you said/did.  The apology, too, does not negate the consequence that may come from your actions.  It does, however, set the tone for the consequence and it just might allow others to support you more willingly as you travel that road.

You may have noticed that the apology is one-sided.  Offering it does not mean the response you’d like will come.  You may apologize and that offended party may not forgive you.  That is not something you can fix.  The other party may need time, may need to work things out, may never come around.  That’s not your responsibility.  Yours is to genuinely say you’re sorry. 

Our staff and leadership need to know they can make mistakes, offer an apology, correct the errors and choose differently moving forward.  If the same errors keep happening, even though apologies are offered, it might not be the best role for the person.  Repetition is a great teacher both for the individual and the community.  Giving people room to learn means mistakes.  Giving people room to consistently repeat the same mistakes is foolishness. 

Again, saying your sorry is tough.  It’s uncomfortable and awkward.  It’s dynamically opposed to our natural inclination.  It’s a reminder to us that we’re not perfect.  Just remember that we’re all in the same boat.  That will help us to offer the apology from a right frame of reference…and maybe to receive it rightly, too. 

Don't Fear the Reaper

Go to @twitter and search for #leadership and plan on spending the next four days with no sleep reading what’s there.  Oh, and that won’t give you enough time to finish.  We are a leadership-sensitive business community.  Books, articles, chats, posts, etc. are aplenty regarding the need for, the stability desired in and the call for leadership.  It’s needed in business, at home, in our houses of worship, for our town little league programs, for our school boards and beyond.

The marketplace is ravenous for leadership-directed material.  I have been known to write about it.  I have been known to coach leaders on leadership.  I lead one of the premier HR consulting firms – Humareso.  I like leadership.

Sadly, however, over the past decade, I hear many complaining that our need for leadership is thwarted by a lack of desire for people to step into leadership.  Let me be clearer.  We’ve all experienced leaders who had no business being in positions of leadership.  They were cruel, cold, uninspiring, lacked vision or narcissistic.  Many couldn’t manage their way out of a paper bag let alone lead anyone anywhere (ok, so I have some strong feelings about bad leaders, I know).

Perhaps because of those bad leaders, we have many who could perform the role of leader who won’t do it.  They’ve seen the bloody battle that erupts around leaders.  They see the accolades, sure, but they see the bathroom wall writing, too.  It’s a reputation-killer in our society to be a leader.  Can we honestly blame people for not wanting to lead?

Or perhaps it’s Marvel’s fault.  We hold up high the myth of the super hero who can come in and lead effectively with character and right action.  Those movies are blockbusters, but do they set us up to think that all leadership should look like Captain America?  It’s a fantasy.  Could it be that our fascination with that genre impacts our willingness to jump into leadership?  Could be.

So what do businesses do?  They are so starved for leadership that money and willingness become tied together.  Begging someone to lead and paying that person handsomely is our charge to motivate.  I agree that our leadership should be compensated for the skill sets, aptitudes and knowledge they possess.  However, if we bypass those qualities in favor of willingness to hold a position, we belittle the intention of leadership.  Instead of influencers towards mission, we box bodies into short-term, high-paying figureheads.   That doesn’t seem too appealing. 

If someone has some of the qualities necessary to build upon for a leadership role, it’s our job to help coach them into the role, not scare them off.  Promoting people because you can is not a successful succession plan.  True leadership is of a different path.  Leadership is about influence, yes, but deeper than that, a leader inspires others to push and reach for their excellence individually and corporately.  A leader rallies people toward a challenge or lasting goal.

One of our passions is to ridicule and belittle our leadership.  We leave them little room to grow from their mistakes.  The title of leader does not and should not imply perfection.  No one fully arrives once given a role like that.  Regardless of your political persuasion, look at the way we’ve beaten up our last six presidents (and please, don’t send me any articles as to why Bush or Obama or Clinton are more awful than others).  I wouldn’t want any of my kids to be president, and that’s a sad statement.

If I were president, I would receive a barrage of criticism just like they did.  And while that’s on a grand scale, the smaller version is just as powerful in our workplaces.  It’s why we struggle to find people willing to step up.  And so our succession plans move from who is able to who is willing.  There is a vast difference between the two.

Some of you reading this know I am talking to you.  You know that you have the ability to lead, but won’t jump in.  You’ve seen how other leaders have been devoured by their own.  I know it’s not pretty.  Leadership, however, is a privilege that costs.  It’s not that you will become a leader and now be free from ridicule because you’ll have them read this blog.  That’s not what will work.

What will work is your relentless pursuit of excellence, your drive to encourage those you lead towards the mission and your creative exuberance towards the vision.  Some will not like to see this type of person leading them.  It’s too active, too forward thinking, too expectant.  I would say that’s too bad for them.  You are made from deeper and richer stuff.  Don’t fear leadership and what might come with taking it; rather, fear what a lack of leadership will do for a spirit such as yours.