Apologize

Simple: When you do something wrong, say you’re sorry.  Whether that action was purposeful or accidental, a sincere apology should be offered to those affected by the action(s).  It’s very simple.  Yet, the truth is that it’s hard to do. 

We love to watch others mess up, though, don’t we?  We are outraged at public figures who make mistakes – small and large – and then have to apologize in public ways.  Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Michael Phelps, Ariana Grande, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Hope Solo, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, etc. have all had to do it.  We hunker down to watch TMZ show us all of the dirt that lead to the apology and then listen to interviews of “professionals” who diagnose the apologies offered.  We are sick people.

On an individual basis, we don’t like being wrong.  Usually, it’s because we really don’t think we’re wrong.  We choose to put our efforts into defending our position, outlining the course of events that lead to the repercussions and to bringing up the twelve previous wrongs of the “offended” party.  We’d rather keep the truth of our wrongdoing to ourselves.

Consider this: How many people do you think do wrong things daily?  Even if 75% of those doing wrong do so on purpose, there are still 25% of those who’ve done wrong without intention.  Why should it be hard for 25% of the population to apologize when a mistake is made?  FYI – that would be about 1.75 billion people.  There would be media coverage and interviews due to the buzz of apology.

In our businesses, why is the act of apology disproportionate?  Specifically, why is it difficult to have senior leadership own their shortcomings?  News flash: There are qualified individuals in senior leadership roles who make mistakes.  Think about the first time you held a new position.  Not just with a new company, but the position itself was new to you.  You’d never been a manager before.  A director, a VP, or a CEO before.  It had to be the first time at some point.  Why would anyone think that someone in a new role would get it all right all of the time?  Apologies should be expected to come.

And pride?  Please.  You’re going to make mistakes.  Own them.  Your pride can handle it, and if you think it can’t, you shouldn’t be working where you work, or in the role you have…or with people.  Own it and say you’re sorry.  You cannot really think that you are the first to make an error, do you?  You think because you’re a CEO, you will damage your reputation or status as a leader by owning mistakes?  Think about what you’re doing to your reputation by not owning the mistakes you’ve made.  Everyone knows already; your screw-ups aren’t a secret.

The other side of the coin is not right either.  Don’t you know someone who often begins sentences with, “I’m sorry”?  Stop apologizing for so much.  When you say you’re sorry all of the time, it’s like crying wolf.  It loses its punch and sincerity.  What about when you really need to apologize?  Won’t it seem like every other sentence?

Offering the apology is appropriate when something was done wrong.  Offering the apology is appropriate when something was received wrongly.  Of course your intention is important, but it may not overshadow the way others took what you said/did.  The apology, too, does not negate the consequence that may come from your actions.  It does, however, set the tone for the consequence and it just might allow others to support you more willingly as you travel that road.

You may have noticed that the apology is one-sided.  Offering it does not mean the response you’d like will come.  You may apologize and that offended party may not forgive you.  That is not something you can fix.  The other party may need time, may need to work things out, may never come around.  That’s not your responsibility.  Yours is to genuinely say you’re sorry. 

Our staff and leadership need to know they can make mistakes, offer an apology, correct the errors and choose differently moving forward.  If the same errors keep happening, even though apologies are offered, it might not be the best role for the person.  Repetition is a great teacher both for the individual and the community.  Giving people room to learn means mistakes.  Giving people room to consistently repeat the same mistakes is foolishness. 

Again, saying your sorry is tough.  It’s uncomfortable and awkward.  It’s dynamically opposed to our natural inclination.  It’s a reminder to us that we’re not perfect.  Just remember that we’re all in the same boat.  That will help us to offer the apology from a right frame of reference…and maybe to receive it rightly, too. 

All Together Now

(by +Victorio Milian) 

A few months ago I went out and invested in myself--I bought a Digital Single Lens Reflex (DSLR) camera. It had been something that I wanted for a while, and I was finally in a position to take the plunge, so to speak.

My new camera.

I'm enjoying it. This camera is a big leap forward from snapping pictures using my phone. It's also more sophisticated than any camera I ever had. While fairly simple to use, the options available (to control and manipulate various settings, for example), make it an item that will test my abilities, in addition to my patience. It makes me excited and nervous to own. My wife points out that I need to "grow into it." How do I do that? Learning how to use this camera reminds me of a number of job roles I've taken on throughout my career as a Human Resources professional. Some were newly created, others were such where I replaced a previous HR practitioner with the understanding that I revamp or enhance the function. In all cases I started as someone who needed to "grow into" the role. I had to quickly assess the function's strengths and weaknesses, as well as its allies and resources. I was important to gain a clear understanding of priorities--what institutional "fires" that needed to be put out, what goals needed to be met, and when--so that I could organize my time and energy as effectively as possible. At its core, to fully embrace the challenge of being in a new and unfamiliar position I had to be willing to commit to doing the work necessary, to literally and figuratively rolling up my sleeves. Without that it would have been easy to become overwhelmed. Here are a few more tips on how a person can grow into a job role:

• Humble yourself. Be realistic about your capabilities, commitment levels, and your goals. Come to terms with the idea that you will fall on your ass. Going back to my recently purchased camera, I'm doing my best not to get flustered when I take a bad shot (and I've been taking plenty of them!). I use them as examples of what's not working, and I adjust.

An example of an awful picture taken with my camera.

• Take note of your successes and failures. With my camera, I've been taking notes of the different settings I've tried, paying attention to which ones are resulting in good photos. In my professional work, I purchase a notebook whenever I start a new role or work with a client. I write everything in it, allowing me a place to store (in one place) all relevant information and thoughts. Not only does this method help me to stay organized, it allows me to note progress over time. This is important, because it helps to provide perspective, particularly when you (or clients) may believe that adequate progress isn't being made.
• Pace yourself. The temptation to work long hours in order to get acclimated to your new role is not uncommon. Be careful; something that was expected to be a temporary solution (working extra hours, taking work home, etc.) can turn into the norm if you're not mindful. My advice--create an action plan, one that factors in when and how long you may need to put in extra time and effort in order to accomplish a particular goal.
• Use your resources--digital, human, and other--to figure out how to get the most out of the role. To better learn how to use my DSLR camera, I'm turning to a variety of resources, which includes:
• YouTube
• Friends
• Family
• Classes (e.g., YMCA)
• Pinterest
• Discussion forums
• the camera's User's Manual

This can be applied to learning a new job role, also. From a workplace point of view, you have colleagues, subject matter experts (SMEs), and groups (such as professional associations) which represent sources of information and support. Use them--that's what they're there for!
• Celebrate your successes. In spite your best efforts, it may seem as if progress isn't being made. Perhaps you're not making headway on a particular project. Or colleagues are frustrating. Whatever the case, when something does go right, acknowledge it! Sometimes it's the small wins that help to highlight progress, or that your work is having an impact. When it comes to my new camera, when I take a decent picture utilizing the manual settings, I get very excited!

A photo I'm proud of.

At one point or another, a person is faced with a job that they will seem new, unfamiliar, or bigger than they've previously encountered. Understanding the challenges and opportunities in that scenario will help increase the odds of success in that role. Humble yourself, be organized, pace yourself, use your resources, and celebrate success--these are some ways in which to grow into a job role.