Simple: When you do something wrong, say you’re sorry. Whether that action was purposeful or
accidental, a sincere apology should be offered to those affected by the
action(s). It’s very simple. Yet, the truth is that it’s hard to do.
We love to watch others mess up, though, don’t we? We are outraged at public figures who make
mistakes – small and large – and then have to apologize in public ways. Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Michael Phelps, Ariana
Grande, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Hope Solo, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, etc.
have all had to do it. We hunker down to
watch TMZ show us all of the dirt that lead to the apology and then listen to
interviews of “professionals” who diagnose the apologies offered. We are sick people.
On an individual basis, we don’t like being wrong. Usually, it’s because we really don’t think
we’re wrong. We choose to put our
efforts into defending our position, outlining the course of events that lead
to the repercussions and to bringing up the twelve previous wrongs of the
“offended” party. We’d rather keep the
truth of our wrongdoing to ourselves.
Consider this: How many people do you think do wrong things
daily? Even if 75% of those doing wrong
do so on purpose, there are still 25% of those who’ve done wrong without
intention. Why should it be hard for 25%
of the population to apologize when a mistake is made? FYI – that would be about 1.75 billion
people. There would be media coverage
and interviews due to the buzz of apology.
In our businesses, why is the act of apology
disproportionate? Specifically, why is
it difficult to have senior leadership own their shortcomings? News flash: There are qualified individuals
in senior leadership roles who make mistakes.
Think about the first time you held a new position. Not just with a new company, but the position
itself was new to you. You’d never been
a manager before. A director, a VP, or a
CEO before. It had to be the first time
at some point. Why would anyone think
that someone in a new role would get it all right all of the time? Apologies should be expected to come.
And pride?
Please. You’re going to make
mistakes. Own them. Your pride can handle it, and if you think it
can’t, you shouldn’t be working where you work, or in the role you have…or with
people. Own it and say you’re sorry. You cannot really think that you are the
first to make an error, do you? You
think because you’re a CEO, you will damage your reputation or status as a
leader by owning mistakes? Think about
what you’re doing to your reputation by not owning the mistakes you’ve made. Everyone knows already; your screw-ups aren’t
a secret.
The other side of the coin is not right either. Don’t you know someone who often begins
sentences with, “I’m sorry”? Stop
apologizing for so much. When you say
you’re sorry all of the time, it’s like crying wolf. It loses its punch and sincerity. What about when you really need to
apologize? Won’t it seem like every
other sentence?
Offering the apology is appropriate when something was done
wrong. Offering the apology is
appropriate when something was received wrongly. Of course your intention is important, but it
may not overshadow the way others took what you said/did. The apology, too, does not negate the
consequence that may come from your actions.
It does, however, set the tone for the consequence and it just might
allow others to support you more willingly as you travel that road.
You may have noticed that the apology is one-sided. Offering it does not mean the response you’d
like will come. You may apologize and
that offended party may not forgive you.
That is not something you can fix.
The other party may need time, may need to work things out, may never
come around. That’s not your responsibility. Yours is to genuinely say you’re sorry.
Our staff and leadership need to know they can make
mistakes, offer an apology, correct the errors and choose differently moving
forward. If the same errors keep
happening, even though apologies are offered, it might not be the best role for
the person. Repetition is a great teacher
both for the individual and the community.
Giving people room to learn means mistakes. Giving people room to consistently repeat the
same mistakes is foolishness.
Again, saying your sorry is tough. It’s uncomfortable and awkward. It’s dynamically opposed to our natural
inclination. It’s a reminder to us that
we’re not perfect. Just remember that we’re
all in the same boat. That will help us
to offer the apology from a right frame of reference…and maybe to receive it
rightly, too.
