Apologize

Simple: When you do something wrong, say you’re sorry.  Whether that action was purposeful or accidental, a sincere apology should be offered to those affected by the action(s).  It’s very simple.  Yet, the truth is that it’s hard to do. 

We love to watch others mess up, though, don’t we?  We are outraged at public figures who make mistakes – small and large – and then have to apologize in public ways.  Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Michael Phelps, Ariana Grande, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Hope Solo, Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, etc. have all had to do it.  We hunker down to watch TMZ show us all of the dirt that lead to the apology and then listen to interviews of “professionals” who diagnose the apologies offered.  We are sick people.

On an individual basis, we don’t like being wrong.  Usually, it’s because we really don’t think we’re wrong.  We choose to put our efforts into defending our position, outlining the course of events that lead to the repercussions and to bringing up the twelve previous wrongs of the “offended” party.  We’d rather keep the truth of our wrongdoing to ourselves.

Consider this: How many people do you think do wrong things daily?  Even if 75% of those doing wrong do so on purpose, there are still 25% of those who’ve done wrong without intention.  Why should it be hard for 25% of the population to apologize when a mistake is made?  FYI – that would be about 1.75 billion people.  There would be media coverage and interviews due to the buzz of apology.

In our businesses, why is the act of apology disproportionate?  Specifically, why is it difficult to have senior leadership own their shortcomings?  News flash: There are qualified individuals in senior leadership roles who make mistakes.  Think about the first time you held a new position.  Not just with a new company, but the position itself was new to you.  You’d never been a manager before.  A director, a VP, or a CEO before.  It had to be the first time at some point.  Why would anyone think that someone in a new role would get it all right all of the time?  Apologies should be expected to come.

And pride?  Please.  You’re going to make mistakes.  Own them.  Your pride can handle it, and if you think it can’t, you shouldn’t be working where you work, or in the role you have…or with people.  Own it and say you’re sorry.  You cannot really think that you are the first to make an error, do you?  You think because you’re a CEO, you will damage your reputation or status as a leader by owning mistakes?  Think about what you’re doing to your reputation by not owning the mistakes you’ve made.  Everyone knows already; your screw-ups aren’t a secret.

The other side of the coin is not right either.  Don’t you know someone who often begins sentences with, “I’m sorry”?  Stop apologizing for so much.  When you say you’re sorry all of the time, it’s like crying wolf.  It loses its punch and sincerity.  What about when you really need to apologize?  Won’t it seem like every other sentence?

Offering the apology is appropriate when something was done wrong.  Offering the apology is appropriate when something was received wrongly.  Of course your intention is important, but it may not overshadow the way others took what you said/did.  The apology, too, does not negate the consequence that may come from your actions.  It does, however, set the tone for the consequence and it just might allow others to support you more willingly as you travel that road.

You may have noticed that the apology is one-sided.  Offering it does not mean the response you’d like will come.  You may apologize and that offended party may not forgive you.  That is not something you can fix.  The other party may need time, may need to work things out, may never come around.  That’s not your responsibility.  Yours is to genuinely say you’re sorry. 

Our staff and leadership need to know they can make mistakes, offer an apology, correct the errors and choose differently moving forward.  If the same errors keep happening, even though apologies are offered, it might not be the best role for the person.  Repetition is a great teacher both for the individual and the community.  Giving people room to learn means mistakes.  Giving people room to consistently repeat the same mistakes is foolishness. 

Again, saying your sorry is tough.  It’s uncomfortable and awkward.  It’s dynamically opposed to our natural inclination.  It’s a reminder to us that we’re not perfect.  Just remember that we’re all in the same boat.  That will help us to offer the apology from a right frame of reference…and maybe to receive it rightly, too. 

The Story of My Life

Thankfulness is not trite.  It can be portrayed as such, but in actuality, it is quite a bit more.  Being face to face with someone who wants to express his/her gratitude to you is humbling, heartfelt and, well, special.  When those in my lifetime have sat me down to express a sentiment of thankfulness or if I have received a note to say as such, I am always taken aback.

It reminds me that my life means much more to many more than I realize.  It's so very easy to be swallowed by duty and responsibility.  I have a family, a job, a church...I define myself by function.  And yet, what matters most is not those roles but the way in which those roles impact the relationships connected - the people who value the work I do, the involvement in my church programs or the love in action for my family.  I define my life by what I do.  Gratitude shakes me back to what my life should really be about - relationships.

The story of my life has been marked by incredible difficulty and incredible pain, but those things do not define me.  If it does, it takes my eyes off of the incredible beauty and incredible blessing in my life.  So many people, so much love, so much to appreciate.  Each one of us has a decision to make each day - am I going to be a benefit or a distraction to those around me?  I can control my behavior...I am not a victim.  I can rise above the pettiness around me, if there is any.  I can choose to be a beacon of positivity in my work culture.  I can be grateful for where I am.

Gratitude is powerful.  I am amazed constantly at the impact of being thankful.  I don't know why I am amazed.  I have seen it happen plenty.  But I forget so easily.

During this week where it's easy and convenient to be thankful, let's think about ways that we can be more grateful all year.  I know that I can raise high the banner for what it will do to the workplace or to the family, but I think it's more than that.  When a habit of gratitude is lived, a life is really lived.

The story of my life needs to be about being thankful.  This isn't about self-help.  It's not about being a great leader.  It's not about being a good employee.  It's about you.  All of those things mentioned will happen when you're grounded.  And gratitude is grounding.

You're the First, the Last, My Everything

How do you become indispensable in a world of disposable employees?  Well, that's hard to do and it may not be your desire.  You may be looking for another job even as you're reading this.  Perhaps you've just been "dialing it in" for the past two years and you're ready for a change.  Well, okay, but how about thinking differently for the next role?

What if you could be seen as a font of information?  What if you took your position so seriously that those around you saw you as the expert?  What if your boss viewed you as a critical, healthy member of the staff?  It's possible for this to be the case and for it to be genuine.

In the past, some of you may have experienced a job where you were too much the "everything."  No one would make a move without checking with you, and then once the move was made, they would come back to you to see if it was done correctly.  You really were the first, the last...the everything.  The thought of taking PTO would almost not be an option because your cell phone would ring all day anyway.  That is not the healthiest position to be in.  There is a better way.

Becoming the expert in your responsibilities is your job.  You've got to take a view of your position that it is yours.  The onus is on you.  Take that job and make it yours through your diligent effort to know all that you need to and how to implement it effectively.  You should be performing at the highest level.

And what you should also consider is equipping others to be ready to do the same.  Teach those under you to make confident decisions and to be ready with the knowledge needed for success.  Create an atmosphere of excellence.  The perspective is not do this so that you will be seen as the office suck-up; move beyond the politics and status quo of your organization.  Understand that you've been hired to bring this kind of excellence.  Just because there may be some who do not subscribe to this point of view, do not allow that to thwart your power and drive.

By allowing your department to function at a higher level of achievement, you will be seen not as the only point of information, but as a leader of information.  Those in your department will share the burden of being excellent, which is much easier to handle with many hands!

And for those of you who really are standing with one foot out the door, perhaps approaching your work this way will change your disposition.  That doesn't mean that you won't move on to another opportunity, but rather, that you will approach it as someone with a strong work ethic and high desire for excellence.  Wouldn't it be fantastic if your current employer could recommend you to another role because of the leader you are?  What if the recommendation from your superior read like this: "You're my sun, my moon, my guiding star, my kind of wonderful, that's what you are."  Um, well, maybe not quite like this, but you get the idea.