Are We Ourselves?

Assertive versus Aggressive.  Confidence versus Conceit.  As a leader, we might display one over the other.  There was a guy I knew in high school who parlayed confidence into conceit on a regular basis.  He annoyed the crap out of me, but I found myself swimming in his lane to fight back.  I had become that rude jerk.  I was merely trying to be an assertive alpha male (my skinny frame didn't make it so easy to do....stupid track team), but it didn't translate that way to others.

While an assertive person channels and promotes good communication, the slide into aggression parlays that into interruption and talking over people.  It's a subtle slide.  There are characteristics that start healthy enough but then become twisted and contorted by a shifting foundation.

Is there something more lurking just a little deeper?  A lack of self-esteem may be at play.  It's not to say you don't have any self-esteem, but rather it's development might be askew.  Dr. Michael Miller, former editor in chief of the Harvard Mental Health Letter, says, “It’s more likely that self-esteem will come as a result of accurate self-understanding, appreciation of one’s genuine skills, and the satisfaction of helping others.”  As managers, is this our stance?

Observations for years show me how much management often find their identity in the work they do.  This becomes the basis for self-worth and self-esteem.  And this is a simple recipe for disaster.  When we base our esteem upon shifting sand, such as a particular organization, the work being done or even the people we work with, the foundation is based upon change.  People leave, we leave, the work changes and organizations are sold, merged, restructured or altered.  If we live for the company, we will be disappointed.

Our audience, however, might be receiving management poorly based upon the dilemma of assertive/aggressive or confidence/conceit.  Again, if it's a matter of self-esteem, your staff can easily identify the difference.  When a manager is over-the-top or a micro-manager, the talk among employees will start rather quickly.  It sets a tone for response that's based upon someone's individual needs (in this case, the manager) rather than the good of the whole.  Staff begin to look for ways to avoid the wrath of a manager or even seeing the manager at all.  These goals supersede the goals of the department in the work to be done.

Such a backwards setup.  We short-circuit the efforts towards our department's goals by the way in which we struggle to handle ourselves and the workload, for instance.  Help is an okay option.  It's not a sign of weakness, despite the possibility that your employer may think so.  And while I know your job is important to you (your finances, for example!), it cannot be that you should become less of the person you are or are meant to be.  Simple to say, right?  But what does it profit you to be aggressive, struggling with self-esteem or self-worth and not meet the goals you've set for work?  Right the ship.  Take the time necessary to unravel what's been going on.

Typically, managing the esteem of a manager is not on a job description, yet we see it happen.  Don't be the manager putting employees in this situation.  Get grounded outside of the work.  Then, when work needs to be done, it is a matter of how to best do it, apart from it fulfilling some esteem needs.  And while I am far from a self-help guru, I do know enough that there is truth that a person must discover for himself/herself that is separate from work, from a person or from status.  Take the time to examine yourself and find out what's true about you.

In human resources, we can find ourselves giving so much to others, which is a part of our job, that we tax our own foundation.  We must be sure to connect inwardly.

Pushing the envelope is worth it.  Don't fear being assertive.  It does matter in driving the goals of your department.  However, it is meant to be done with a specific goal in mind for the organization, not for your esteem.  If work defines you, take a small step back and look at the bigger picture.  Your role needs you to be as with it as possible.  You are the one in the role for a reason.  Get back to you.

The Boss

Managing people is a skill. Yes, there are attributes that come easier for some which allow them to manage easier, but the use and refinement of those attributes is what makes it right.  The guilt some feel about not being a good manager is often a result of comparison to one of these “naturals.”

Are you a natural?  Do you find yourself easily speaking with your team?  Do you find that there is an ability to connect with people that just flows from you?  That’s wonderful! But, it doesn’t mean that you’re managing people.  It could mean that you are a great friend, a great listener, or a great motivator, but it doesn’t mean management is natural.  Being the boss is meant to be categorized by effectiveness, best use of talent and profitability, to start, not merely being the "fun" manager.

Think about a boss you’ve had that you liked. Perhaps the reason you liked him/her is because of the great manner with which your department was led.  You liked that he/she took the reigns, presented as a resource for the team and kept everyone focused on the mission.  You like that.  You crave good direction.  You desire knowledgeable people to take seriously their role.  Perhaps.

Or perhaps it was because you connected with him/her relationally.  You had common interests.  You shared a passion for sports, for a hobby or for beer (maybe beer is a hobby?).  You got to know each other’s families.  You shared time outside of work being social.  Did that make the person a great manager?  Or merely a great friend?

I am not suggesting that every manager become a Miranda Priestly and remain clearly unfriendly and distant.  However, I am suggesting that swinging the pendulum too far the other way might make managing just as a difficult.  Hone in the skill sets needed to manage effectively and use those skills as you rally your team together.

Time – There is a skill involved in planning and in the usage of time.  If you are someone that just lets things “get away from you” then you aren’t managing.  Time needs to be managed.  Haven’t we all looked at the clock during the work day and thought, “How can it be 3PM? I haven’t gotten done what I needed to today.”  Be competent in time management and help your team to pursue a similar goal.  Efficiencies to process are certainly business-centric and are worth the effort.

Material Knowledge – What do we make, how do we make it, why do we make it.  If it’s a service-related industry, follow the same pattern – what do we do, how do we do it, why do we do it.  You’ve got to know this backward and forward, and be able to translate it well to your team.  They will look to you to see how seriously they should know the answers to those questions.  If it’s just a job for you, then don’t be surprised when it’s just the same for your team.  Be passionate about the ingredients, materials, resources used to get done what you are tasked to get done.

Communication – “Hey, Bud, how ya doin’ today?” should not serve as the moniker of your relational investment.  What does that communicate?  Likely, you are a necessary person in my life and I can’t avoid it.  Intentionality in communication is necessary.  Plan what needs to be said; don’t hope you remember.  Know what and why things have to be shared, the time it will take to do so and the opportunities for that communication to be collaborative. 

Of course, there are more elements than this, but deciding to become proficient in these areas will certainly impact the team being managed.  Once there is a mastery in skill development and process, then begin to attack the next step.  It will become second nature.

The effort matters.  A manager who is deliberate in seeking to refine those skills or to develop new ones sets a stronger tone in his/her department right away.  Your staff will recognize that you’re not there to be everyone’s best friend, but to be a developer of talent by taking seriously your own development.  It also communicates a belief that not everyone is a “natural.”  It’s okay to work at it.  Think about the impact on the team you lead if they see you studying, practicing and exercising these skills.  You will be encouraging them to do the same in their areas of functional responsibility and soft skill development.

There were many days were I would have liked to do a “Devil-Wears-Prada-Throw-My Jacket-On-The-Head-Of-An-Employee” moment, but I didn’t.  I had to make the decision that the proactive development of my management style would be compromised by either creating a too-friendly demeanor or a too-mean demeanor.  So, hold onto your jacket as you walk in and hang it up yourself!

Closer to Fine

When Ross and Rachel “took a break,” the reality that the relationship might not last started to sink in.  For all of the ways in which Ross had shown his love for Rachel since she was in high school (and caused the world to love him back) and for the progress that Rachel made in understanding her feelings for him, a major setback was occurring.  Could the relationship really be the fairy tale again?

Uncertainty has its place in relational advancement.  Whether it’s a marriage, a career, a church or a team, doubt about your fit for the future is real.  This might be unnerving for some, but it’s true.  Haven’t you sat back and thought, “Is this the job for me?”  Asking the question is healthy. Consideration in areas of usefulness, connection and advancement make sense.  Is this company able to utilize me in the ways I would like to, or do I want to give more of myself (time, talents, and treasure) to this company’s mission?   The giftedness of the individual and the purpose of the organization should be reviewed for alignment regularly.

However, it does not mean that it’s a negative position.  We have gotten too used to this type of consideration ending in break-up.  As such, we’ve believed that even asking the question means it’s over.  Ross and Rachel aren’t real, but their relationship (at least as we know) ended in a commitment to each other.  Is it only on television that it’s possible?  I hope not. 

In our companies, there are daily issues that arise – conflict over management style, turnover, gossip, etc.  Professionals should sit back and consider what’s going on.  The issues that rise to the top after investigation are addressable.  True that one of the ways to address this situation might be termination, but it is not the only option.  Sometimes a person has a bad day.  Sometimes expectations were not clearly shared.  Sometimes there are outside elements to the formula for success that we cannot control.  A machete to the relationship is not usually the right answer.

It is awful to worry when walking into work that Ross or Rachel might ask you for a break.  No one seeks this.  And yet, it might just be the consideration of future relationship that helps aright a ship’s course.  Neither Rachel as a spoiled brat nor Ross as an awkward, self-centered goof was the exclusive reason for the consideration.  It added to it, but the deeper questions were ones of support and commitment.  These are the same questions employees and employers have for one another.

As an employee:

• Am I valued?
• How does the company really know what I do or who I am?
• Am I being taken advantage of? Is that the company’s fault or mine?

As an employer:

• Do my employees get why we have the mission we have?
• Is compensation the only way my employees receive affirmation? Have we allowed this to be true, if so?
• Am I holding back on resources because I fear my employees will leave?

Of course, there are more questions to ask on either side of the table, but these catch some of the initial consideration that should happen.  Relationships, whether between two people or between a person and his/her company, take thought.  Think through why you might not be connecting as you once had.  Termination, as divorce or resignation, is the swifter option, but may be the less than ideal long term response.  Step back and question.

The uncertainty ought to lead to clarity.  Results from the clarity might vary, but the confidence to follow through will be stronger.  Having been through the questioning process will give you peace knowing that you really thought through this, which is confidence-producing.  Uncertainty has a particular nuance of excitement to it as it offers the opportunity to relent to “not knowing” what to do.  If your response were to be perfect each time, where are the opportunities to learn?  By having the uncertainty, we get to step back and research our companies, our relationships, and ourselves.

Ross and Rachel didn’t corner the market on relational uncertainty.  It’s been appealing to us as viewers of movies and television, as readers of novels, as writers of stories.  Plot lines revolve around relationships and have for centuries.  Turn off the “Friends” reruns and pick up a Shakespeare play…any will do.  Wherefore art thou, Ross?

Time After Time

For a brief stint, I worked as a middle school teacher.  Teaching is a wonderful gift and I was delighted to do so.  I found that the most time spent, however, was directed towards items and issues that were not germane to the work I was asked to do.  Over and over again, forms had to be completed, state requirements proven and validated, interviewing with academia, etc.  Please understand that I believe in compliance and in accountability…definitely.  What I struggled with was the amount of time it took and how much time it took away from the students.

In human resources, I have experienced and witnessed a similar phenomenon.  While the distractions may differ, the results are the same.  For example, think about how much time you spend at your desk.  Can’t do it?  How about for the next 7 days, you keep a log (seriously!) as to how much time you are sitting at your desk.  Now, while sitting at your desk is not the enemy, per se, it may show you how much less you’re actually amongst the people you serve. 

And it isn’t just about paperwork either.  I bet it would be amazing for you to log how long you actually spend with a particular person or two each week.  Perhaps it’s all good stuff, but likely, you may have your time taxed by someone that should not have as much time as he/she has been allowed to have.  Think about that employee who “just needs 5 minutes” each day.  We know that 5 becomes 20 in seconds.  If it’s every day, what could you do with an extra hour and 40 minutes each week? 

There are still those time-suckers who want to review something again, complain about something again, have software explained to them again…it’s the same stuff time after time.  Am I insane?  Do I expect a different outcome?  Why do I allow this distraction to take me away from serving the larger population?  Stop the madness…you cannot get that time back.  Make decisions about the wasting of time.  If someone cannot handle the work they’ve been given, then get them out of that role.  If the same process isn’t getting the results needed, then put the effort in to change the process so you can be free from the hamster wheel.  Make the change.

I am not making light of responsibilities.  I know that form completion matters.  I know that one-on-one chats have to happen.  I know that your CEO will walk into your office and eat an hour of time.  I know.  Is that every day?  Is it keeping you from the objectives you’ve set?

Time will keep moving on.  Those goals you have for 2014 have a smaller window for completion.  We’re about 9.5 months into the year.  Can you accomplish those goals you set for the people of your organization in these last couple of months?  If so, maybe those goals weren’t so stretching after all?

Are you allowing busyness and distraction to keep you from what you’re to do?  My words are easy to type.  The action of leaving your office for a time and closing the door behind you might be a discipline that you have to employ.  Be with the people.  Learn processes.  Watch cultural interaction.  Those components will make you a better HR person, a better business partner, a better worker.  You will be energized, enlightened…more alive!  Take back your time.

Bag Lady

(A post by +Victorio Milian) 

As a New Yorker, I use public transportation to get where I'm going. It's generally fast and relatively cost effective (especially when compared to the cost of owning and maintaining a car here).

It also provides a snapshot into how human beings act. Whether as individuals or in groups, commuters here speak quite clearly--through their behavior, dress, and other means--even as they avoid eye contact. One observation I've made over time is this: New York City commuters carry lots of bags. Now this is unscientific, but I can say on my normal commute to and from work most passengers carry more than one with them. The vast majority of multi-bag carriers are women. Based (again) on personal observation, most carriers seem to carry one bag for personal effects, and another contains essentials for the commute, such as gym clothes or work items (e.g., laptop, paperwork). 

For me, people carrying multiple bags present a challenge. They take up more room on the subway, which my main form of transportation. When you consider that close to millions of people take the subway on a daily basis, every available inch counts! In addition, I can't help but think that lugging that much stuff around consistently will have an impact on the carrier's health. If nothing else, it probably puts a lot of stress on one's back, shoulders, arms, and legs. I imagine that there's an enterprising chiropractor out there that specifically targets people impacted in this fashion. I know of one that has a sub-practice centered around clients who are in need, due to poor posture related to how they utilize their cellphones! 

With all of this, I strive to carry one bag with me when I'm out and about. Sometimes this presents difficult choices, but for the most part I can successfully balance my needs with my ability. I have bags of various sizes and shapes, and I also try to take care of myself so that, in the event of having to carry a particularly heavy load, I don't overdo it. I also try to carry items that perform multiple functions. For example, utilizing cloud based services such as Evernote, Google Drive, or Dropbox allows me to carry less paper files around. Because they able to be used across multiple devices, I can mix-and-match which ones I carry with me. Most days, this helps me to avoid carrying around my laptop, by far the biggest and heaviest of my work related devices. That being said, I'm overloaded in other ways. It doesn't necessarily manifest itself physically, yet it still can be exhausting. My issue is communication overload. Here's a snapshot of the various communication devices or channels I manage:

• Two smart phones (one for work, one for me)
• Several emails (roughly 1/2 dozen)
• Fax machine (don't ask)
• Two physical work mailboxes
• Two phone landlines 
• Social media outlets

There's a multitude of methods to reach me. And while it doesn't weigh much physically, mentally it can be a lot to manage and maintain. It demands that I check all these different methods, to insure I don't miss anything important. From a security perspective, the different programs and electronic devices I use means multiple access codes. It's a lot! With that, it's time to start thinking realistically around assessing, consolidating, and/or eliminating these items from my life. Wherever possible, as Erykah Badu would say, it's time to let it go...

How do you keep yourself from being overloaded?

Running on Ice

Efficient living.  Oxymoronic?  Yes.  Everyday I wake up to the schedule I re-tweak from the night before and try to squeeze as much stuff into the time allotted to me each day (it's still 24 hours, but I have put a request for reconsideration).  There are clients to meet, HR work that they need done, advice to give that is relied upon (which means effort in thought) and a business to be developed.  Manageable, yes, but only if I didn't also have a family to spend time with, invest in and enjoy.  There are also friends to be with, working out, eating, sleeping....well, you get it.

I can actually feel your head nodding in agreement as you read.  I am not alone and neither are you.  We are so full that it's no wonder so many of us struggle with depression and anxiety.  And to top it off, do the majority of us feel as though our time is being used well?  With many companies still working under the "doing more with less" philosophy of talent management, our employees feel this, too.

All of the ideals that used to energize us and we would pursue with passion have become chores and duties.  We've allowed our focus to be on schedules and meetings rather than conversation and passion.  Simple to say, but true nonetheless.  So we have to consider and adjust.  For instance, look at what you've done over the past two weeks of work.  How much of it was truly productive?  

I had the absolute privilege of speaking with someone recently who shared honestly that as successful as he was, he had allowed his self-esteem to be tied to his performance at work.  He was valuable and regarded as such.  This pushed him to work even harder to keep that status.  In doing so, he lost sight of him.  He began to see himself as only about this one successful role, this role that kept him swallowed.  I found myself nodding in agreement with him.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  Your company sees real, true, measurable value in what you do and how you do it.  Your company wants to encourage more of that behavior and those results (and rightly so).  Your company is where you spend a good bit, if not the majority, of your time.  It is very easy to tie who you are to what you do in this one, albeit large, area.

The cycle looks just like running on ice.  You keep putting effort into the motion of running, but it's not very pretty and it really doesn't get you as far as you think.  Perhaps there is success in what you are doing, but is it as successful as it could be?  The baseball player who is hitting .213 may not seem so great, but he does if the rest of team is batting under 200.  It's relative.  You can advance in placement when running on ice, but the return on the effort exerted is not good.  As a former runner (dang right knee!), I have experienced the thrill (is there such a thing in running?) of moving on asphalt, rubberized tracks, wooded trails and miles of roadway.  My motion is different on those surfaces and I had to make adjustments.  Efficiency in running is connected to how smooth and fluid you can make each motion.  Movement of arms and legs, head position and breathing are some of the areas to bring together in cohesion for one fluid movement.

We often don't get to react fluidly.  We get to react.  Our lives move from being planned by us to being dictated by a thousand other things.  Control is needed.  Think about your movement.  

I know that there are happenings in life that you cannot plan for - death, injury, care for a parent, etc. - but that's not what I mean by control.  Ask some pointed questions of yourself.  Can I not participate in this meeting and trust that those involved can handle it without me?  Can I delegate more effectively?  Do I know the skill sets and aptitudes of my team?  How I can free burden from another worker, too?  How can we leverage each other better?  Examine your environment.

The staff you are with is dealing with the same.  Perhaps working through efficient use of time with managers would be helpful.  They, then, can take that training back to their departments and teams.  Leveraging time well will lead to an increase in productivity.  But bear in mind that if most of us deal with a difficulty in managing our own time, then how would a manager feel equipped to help others.  Let's provide some tools!  Not everything "urgent" is important.  We should teach others that truth.

Start with you.  Sometimes, the summer months allow for a vacation or perhaps a couple of days off.  Might I challenge you to use a hour or two of it to work through this perspective?  Have you been running on ice?  Have you seen a loss of passion?  Why?  What can you do to approach it differently?  Are you moving so much but feeling like your not getting very far or making a lasting difference?  Have you allowed yourself to be defined by what you do?  The way you view your schedule might shed some light on this.

As I get ready for another day of 90+ degrees as part of the East Coast heatwave, I kinda like thinking about running on ice.  It's a heck of a lot cooler than running on the black top of the roadways around Philadelphia.  However, those runs really allow me to think clearer about my goals and whether the life I live daily are moving me towards them.  If that breakaway would be helpful for you, then grab an ice cube and some water and get moving!