Labeling is an easy skill for most of us. Our minds have been trained to categorize and label people, things and places. There are schemata filling the schema in our brains. In other words, files filling file cabinets in our minds with connections and definitions. It's why you might smell something, good or bad, and connect it to a memory, a place, a person or a time. We label. For those of you re-watching episodes on MeTV of "Happy Days" (or maybe watching them for the first time), you know that the coolest guy on the earth in the 1970's was Arthur Fonzarelli, aka Fonzie. Initially labeled a juvenile delinquent, Fonzie rose to show a deeper character and a true coolness. When an organization that worked with kids with who suffered serious abuse and were emotional stifled came to the attention of director Garry Marshall, he wanted Fonzie to alter the label of super-cool a bit. When Fonzie cried in one episode, and those kids watched it, the result was an open door for that agency to help those kids. They were ready to emote since Fonzie did.
The labeling takes over rather quickly, however. We decide who is a jerk, who is nice, who is conceited, who is fake, who is a wimp. We connect people into categories and then treat the group in that category in the same manner. We respond singularly, for example, to someone who is mean. For some of us, we retreat from such a person. For others, we look to engage and rip apart that person. It's a sport - the art of the run and the art of the fight. We all travel the scale and, for some of us, we have to manage people on the same scale. Our involvement in the label movement is an everyday contribution. When we treat our employees in a responsive manner rather than at the level we want them to operate, we display our commitment to the label rather than the person. To be sure, there are jerks. Of course, those jerks might not be long for their employment. Yet, even if they are to be with you for a short time, let's engage them in a way that calls them to greatness rather than meets them in their jerkiness. As you think about how you're reacting, consider these thoughts:
Check your tone - are you sharper with a particular person than others? Is your label of that person the reason for the difficulty in communication?
Re-read emails before you send them - when tone is hard to know, as it is in emails, it means that a bit more time should be spent re-reading prior to send. You may be giving shade, even unintentionally, by doors you've left open for interpretation of words (and, yes, I said "shade").
Examine distribution of work - are you sharing types of work as well as the amount of work equally, based upon skill sets alone? Or are you giving the crappy work only to the employee you've labeled negatively?
Rotate opportunities to lead - Allow staff to take turns leading various meetings, training sessions or projects. By rotating the team leader, you are sure that you're negative slant towards someone isn't getting in the way of job expectations and opportunities.
If you're thinking, "I would never let So-And-So lead a meeting or be in charge of a specific type of work", that's fine. I would just ask back, "Well, then, why is he/she still working at the company?" If the basis work of work isn't being met that you've uniformly given, then the employment of that person should end. The work is the reason a person is hired. Bear in mind, too, that people might just sometimes surprise you. The jerk could let his/her guard down and show you how wonderful he/she is. The wimp might find his/her courage due to the way you're running the department. The fake might become the most authentic person on your team as he/she learns that skill sets and work product matter more than the facade portrayed. If Fonzie can cry, then any of these changes could happen. Heyyyyy...
Comcast is pushing its new Streampix movie and television show catalog. There are promos aplenty with much of it being TV commercials. And its primary movie of choice to play in the background of the announcer's messaging is "The Breakfast Club." This movie debuted in early 1985. It's 2013 (barely). A movie almost 29 years old is the primary movie of appeal for current streaming consumers? Apparently. This movie has been shown hundreds of times on TBS and the like. It's sold thousands of VHS and DVD copies. And it continues to sell. So why? For those of you familiar with my deep love for Molly Ringwald, I will leave that aside as a reason (hard for me to do). Part of the appeal is the nostalgia of the 80's. Those of us who hit their teens sometime during that decade find that this movie, perhaps more than any other, defines our generation. The characters struggle with identity and their place in the world. The peer pressure, the temptations of life, the masks needed to be worn, the inadequacy of self - all of these are themes, still relevant today.
It's brilliant, actually, that Comcast is using it. The movie is a microcosm of life beyond the teenage years. Many of us work in places where we have to mask ourselves and pretend that all is well when it very much is not. And, to be clear, this is not necessarily an indictment on the workplace or company; it may be that your continued poor view of self haunts your everyday existence and causes you to maintain appearances using all of your energy. Letting your guard down is not an option and perhaps there is no real outlet for it. I am aware that counseling is available for the deeper issues; some companies have rather robust EAP's or even in-house professionals. However, the reality is that most of us won't use those available services or seek outside help for what we would call "it's just how I am." Going home after work and popping on "The Breakfast Club" while crying might be all the therapy needed. I have experienced workplaces where the demand is great and the care for people is not. I have also been at workplaces where the care for people is high, but the facade to be okay and participate with others is crushing. Not everyone is the "kum ba yah" type to be okay with HR's latest and greatest team building program. HR can encourage, albeit unintentionally, poor self-esteem (I can't do what these people can do), dishonesty (a lack of people being able to be genuine) or compartmentalization (I need to work a certain way and fit into a certain box). Let's not be offended by this. Let that go. It's not about you. It's about the companies we work for and the employees we serve. So, ask yourself, what have I forgotten about people that I need to re-learn? Take some time to consider your company to jar your memory. Does peer pressure still exist at work? Is it positive in that it's about performance and cultural health? Or is it about high school groupings all over again? Who are the Cool Crowd and how do they keep the Dorks out? How do people sit in the breakroom? Look, this is just one stream of thought - there are MANY to consider. But we ought to think about the Ally Sheedy's and Anthony Michael Hall's of our companies. Where do they fit and are they fitting well? Don't forget about them. And yet, I would also submit that the Molly Ringwald's and Emilio Estevez's don't have it all together either. And sometimes, we in HR feed those roles and allow little room for them to say, "Enough!" We build programs around the funny guys, rather than around significant content. so that we get a visceral response to affirm our own existence at work - close your mouth and don't pretend to be shocked. I have seen this done numerous times and I am sure it will continue. It's the same line of thinking around some who desire to be seen as "experts" or "thought leaders." Posting and re-tweeting "smart" stuff doesn't really make you either an expert or a leader (ouch). I am driven to always come back to the people we serve. We have to consider all of them and how they fit together. "The Breakfast Club" works well because we see the roles each one plays, the walls come down and true relationship emerges, but here's the reality - they went back to school on Monday and assuredly re-acclimated to their role. They may hate it, but they do it. Adults do it, too. Fitting in and finding your place means something to every person (don't even pretend it doesn't - even non-conformists hang out with other non-conformists). Individual identity is precious and should be encouraged to be explored. If you read biographies about some of the great business leaders, you'll see struggles dealt with in these areas for each and the way in which they were fostered through it. We can consider this as we develop our programs and benefits, yes, but more so in our messaging and our recognition language. How do all of the pieces fit? That's our job to study. We are to create environments that will allow every person to be free to be the skillful, collaborative person we've hired. That's what our companies pay for and that's what we need them to be. And each person has a role. Don't forget about any one of them.
