Broken Wings

Sweet words can heal.  I can recall so many times as a dad where a “boo boo” was healed more by my words than any bandage or ointment.  My kids were more appreciative and comforted by sweetness in tone and message (coupled with a hug).

Think for a minute about how we would do that in a Human Resources function.  Are we to be the “boo boo” office?  Regardless of how many HR departments that I’ve known that were (some still “are”) exclusively like this, I recognize that there really is no other place employees would think of going to than HR for such a need.  So what do you do?

To start, I think it would be kind of awkward to hug and kiss the forehead of an employee whose feelings were hurt by a rough manager.  Aside from the lawsuit that might accompany it (think I’m kidding?), I would submit that there is a diminishing of HR when this is done.  Employees might see our office as we did the Nurse’s Office in school – it was a way to get out of class for a bit and you could rest there.  There was a guy I knew in school who went to the nurse’s office 3 days a week after lunch for a nap.  He didn’t have a doctor’s note or a parent’s permission.  There was just a sweet nurse who liked him and let him sleep.  Are we merely a “nice nurse?”  The nurse in school had her nursing degree and a skill set in it, but she relegated herself as being nice.  Her competencies were not appreciated by those she served.

Comforting a person in a tough situation or who is experiencing difficulty should have a human aspect to it.  I am not advocating a cold HR office (far from it!).  I believe that there is a deep reason to have an HR professional who can connect to the talent within an organization.  As cultural ambassadors for our companies, we have to engage with our staff to win the right to be heard.  We offer a productive viewpoint and a desire to affect change that is most readily received by an audience who knows us. 

When M'Lynn (Sally Field in "Steel Magnolias") loses her daughter Shelby (Julia Roberts), she is rallied to by all of the people in her life who really know her.  And while I know that the gut-wrenching scene at the cemetery is not what most HR folks will deal with each day, I do know that the aspect of putting yourself out there has to be practiced in order to engage with others in an impactful way.   

By being real, we open a door.  Are you hiding behind your door?  Open it.  Get up from your desk, open the door and head out to the assembly line, the sales floor or the customer service department.  Your words will bring healing when they are heard in the context of your relational deposits and cultural encouragement.  Believe that your skill set will shine as you embrace (figuratively) the staff you serve.

And consider that as people grow and mature (well, most people do…I see your head shaking…I know some exceptions myself!), the way in which comfort and connection happen might have to evolve, too.  I don’t speak to the entry-level folks exactly the way I do to those I’ve known for 20 years in the workforce.  There is history between us that I draw upon and allow my conversation to reflect that depth.  I won’t be able to just “kiss it and make it better” with them any longer.

Today, as my kids get older, I think about how one day they will be comforting me as I age.  When my ability to do things as I’ve always done becomes impaired, my children will have to use some of the skills in comforting that I’ve shown them.  I trust that those deposits of family culture and engagement will blossom into confidence and leadership as they take ownership of the family.  We need to build people up to handle such difficulties.  Whether our kids or our employees, we can bring comfort.  Think about the cultural deposits you’re making towards it.

Stir It Up

What can you learn from the Muppets?  Lots.  For those of us in a certain age group, we can recall those fantastic Muppet Show episodes with Julie Andrews, Paul Simon, Diana Ross and a host of other celebrities.  The Muppets would get these respected actors (and Mark Hamill), singers, performers, etc. to don a chicken costume or wrestle with a giant puppet all for the sake of a laugh.

In what ways do we become what we need to in order for the message we need to share to propagate?  I think about the tons of training I’ve done through the years and the ways in which I have had to grow the delivery and the content structure to meet the audiences in need of the knowledge.  Wow.  So many “performances.” 

Please know that I don’t use that word – performance – lightly or with frivolity.  I mean, performance.  The delivery of our information is as important as the information itself.  If we are unaware of the learning styles, the history of training in the company or the expectation of knowledge applied in the company, then we’re likely to see training fail.  That time will be little more than time off from the line for the average worker.

Ultimately, we know that this is not the desire of training.  The goal is usually wanting to expand upon some knowledge already in use and add to its functionality, or use it to build a bridge to another knowledge base.  So many times, I have watched the connection light bulbs go off.  These men and women, who have honed a craft, see the value in the information presented and desire to add it to the repertoire of duties they have.  It’s humbling.

And yet, I have also seen just the opposite.  I don’t always hit it out of the park.  I watch eyes that seem to say, “OK, how much longer do I have to sit here?”  Ugh.  That’s not such a great feeling.  Our duty as trainers is to give connectivity and relevance which comes from knowing your audience and the material well.  It then requires delivery in such a way as to hold attention, show appreciation and encourage participation.

Even in matters of compliance information, how much thought do we put into delivery?  With the Affordable Care Act, there is much to share, for example.  The material itself can be confusing or overwhelming, so consideration should be given as to how to deliver it.  For me, as I've shared with many on this topic, I have begun an information session by asking how the audience would have handled health insurance reform.  Obviously, you've got to keep a tight reign on conversation, but it has allowed the hearers to understand some parallels to the ACA.  Building blocks.  

Listen, constantly doing role play won’t work.  Always doing a video isn’t going to do it.  Arts and crafts at every training session is weird.  Think about variety.  Think about holding interest.  Think about the goal of the information.  Allow that to drive preparation for delivery.  Study the material to know it inside and out, yes, but also figure out what the best delivery method would be.

Think about how weird it might have been to sit in the creative arts and development office for a major television network and offer the Muppets as an adult solution to a primetime slot.  Crazy!  And yet, it worked because the delivery of material (the performance) was mindful of its audience.  We stepped outside of ourselves and entered this world.  That's what training should afford - setting the stage for dynamic engagement where effectual change occurs.

Make It Like It Was

I spoke with a business owner recently (normal, I know).  He’s pretty successful in his field.  He works hard, really hard.  Long hours, tough working conditions, great product.  He was commenting to me that it seems to be harder to be an employer these days.  He’s been at this for quite some years and has enough history to make a comment like that.  He was basing this on his more recent experience.  He has observed that people don’t want to work hard anymore and that people find it too easy to complain (or sue) about things they just don’t like, rather than what’s truly illegal.

I like this guy.  I do.  It’s not just because he feels the pain of some of the HR situations I find myself in.  It’s not because I think all people suck (I don’t, really…no, really).  I find him to be honest.  His frustrations represent a belief that some of the systems put in place to protect people have now become crutches for some.  I concur.  He isn’t lying.

What I have often said is that it’s about people not programs.  It’s wonderfully smart to have sexual harassment seminars for your staff, but does it stop people from claiming that harassment has occurred?  No.  And why is that?  Maybe it’s because it’s too easy to get a payout.  Why go through all of the drama of court?  Why spend all of that money and waste time when the results will probably be the same settlement anyway?  It’s been the pattern for quite some time.

I’d like to submit a thought.  Culture.  I recognize compliance.  I recognize culpability.  Culture, done well, trumps much.  Fit matters more than need.  Filling a need with the first available often does not work out.  Waiting for someone who fits the culture is worth it in the long run.  Too many times we fill to fill, to check it off the list.  We did it…yay, us!  Woo Hoo, Recruiting Team!  (OK, too sarcastically HR…sorry).

Patience, people.  Let’s find us some good peeps!  When people are set up for success in a culture that fits, then a multitude of problems never happen.  I am not saying that harassment training is a waste.  I am not saying that at all.  What I am saying is that if you think annual sexual harassment training is going to keep it from happening or at least the complaint of it happening, then you’re out of your tree.  Train to the positives daily.  Handle the negatives as they come up.

By creating a culture of health through challenging opportunities and open communication, then you’re more likely to see people flourish and not take the time to be entitled.  We can’t fear the impact of the claim that might come up (anyone can sue for anything…welcome to America).  Instead of being overwhelmed in frustration by it, we should use that energy to positively promote healthy dialogue and right thinking in relationships. 

Management should be encouraged greatly.  As HR, we have a big responsibility with managers and ought to regularly seek to impact them.

Do I think that things are better today in the working environment?  Sure, but when compared to specific places in time.  Do I think we operate in fear rather than proactivity?  Yup.  Our companies might see fear in their own eyes, but that view doesn't have to be true.  Point out a clearer picture.  Practice painting it yourself.  Create buy-in.  Invest in people and impact overall culture.  

The good old days are seen through rose-colored glasses.  It's like any form of nostalgia.  It always looks better from behind.  Just imagine how good today will look in 20 years when we make it as awesome as possible (yeah, I said "awesome").

Higher Ground

Making an informed decision seems like a good plan.  I think most companies would look favorably on employees that decide to do that.  It seems like a mature, thoughtful response.

In school, I was involved in a pretty good food fight in the cafeteria.  Mashed potatoes were thrown onto the walls in our attempts to create art.  The school did not think it the best use of the food, especially when it moved from walls to people.  It was one of the rare times I was brought to the principal’s office (I was usually not caught for the stuff I did, not because I was angelic).  Because I had my own skin to protect (from my dad!), I found a way to present information that not only removed any malevolent thought of me, but actually made me sound like a good guy operating in the fallen humanity of school.  Brilliant? Yes.  True? Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.

What if the information is flawed? 

It’s probably due to a few possibilities.  One – perhaps there is a gap in the way information is gathered.  Maybe there are some steps that have been bypassed due to ignorance.  In our efforts to be efficient, we can forego communication steps and not look back.  Maybe we didn't know the process or all of the people involved.  We can easily assume some “facts” and fill in the blanks ourselves.  It’s not what we would like to do, I know, but the pressure of getting things done cause us to create shortcuts.

Have you ever been in a meeting where you offer a perspective as an absolute, only to find out that most of the room knows pivotal details?  And now you look like an absolute idiot?  Yeah, it’s never happened to me…I feel badly for you people (an obvious lie if you’ve ever been in a room with me!).

Secondly, the informed decision may be colored by self-esteem issues.  Crazy as it may seem, but there might be among those with whom we work a person or two who are devastated when they are not the founts of information.  To that end, they might offer bits and pieces of information so as to try to coax out the rest.  When bits and pieces fly around like that, it leaves open inference and flawed interpretation.  The decisions made would be based upon granules rather than rocks of truth.

And then there’s political positioning.  I have been in organizations where communication is used based upon maligned purposes.  There can be treachery and back-stabbing in an organization with information sharing an easy road to travel.  I may only share what I want others to know, with a longer term plan in place to paint someone in a bad light, to make myself seem more important or to inflate the view of the department I lead.  Shocking, I know, but it happens.

For those of us in an HR capacity, we have to be a bit more eyes wide open about information.  It is a necessity for us to do our homework.  Cultural and relational impact is likely to occur from some of the decisions to be made based on certain information.  We can serve in an unbiased manner and gather all of the facts.  If we were to slip into some of the posturing or sloppiness addressed above, we compromise our role as a strategic partner to the overall health of the business.

Over the past few months, I have conversed with some business owners whose experience with HR people has them characterized as “mealy-mouthed” or “chatty Cathys.”  What a sad perspective.  Is it really likely that our informed decisions will be seen as informed decisions when the impression we give falls into those categories?   It’s not about our skin.  It’s about our commitment to the senior leadership team to deliver truth that will encourage growth and health for the organizations we serve.

Really, what’s the worst that would have happened if I just admitted to flinging a spoonful of mashed potatoes?  Detention, cleaning it up, some Philly-Italian-style parenting?  You gotta have something to go to therapy with, right?

Problem

Healing.  It’s a gift.  In my life, I have experienced mercy and grace which has allowed healing to take place, mostly in myself and in relationship to others.  The ability to offer such a gift to others has no monetary price tag, but I know it comes at a cost.

When I have given a road for healing to others, it’s not always what I might want to do.  I defer to being bitter, angry, vindictive or self-righteous.  It’s my nature, and I don’t think I am alone in that.  I have a right to be hurt.  That person was callous, egotistical or just plain wrong.  And now, the relationship is damaged.  This damaged relationship is now impacting situations, workflow or other relationships.  The impact of this problem is tension, a rift or brokenness and it is far-reaching and, for businesses, costly.

As the week’s events between SHRM and HRCI have unfolded, I kept coming back to this idea of healing.  HR professionals know that we are often (if not always) called upon to mend relationship and change the course of brokenness in the workplace.  We converse with the injured parties; we bring our affirming communicative skills to bear on the situation; we coach the parties to seek resolution.  We recognize that there really can be someone in the wrong, but that does not have to be where the situation ends.  Now that error is seen, what are we doing to mend it?  We push for repair and then growth to learn how to deal with similar facts in the future.

SHRM and HRCI feel a little like Mom and Dad fighting.  This week, I have felt like the kid from the marriage watching, listening and being heart-broken.  I love both of my parents.  I have demonstrated allegiance to both sides and expressed love equally.  Just as in most divorce situations, Mom and Dad’s individual needs and wants have evolved for some time.  Both sides are looking back and trying to pinpoint when the complimentary paths diverged.  And regardless of fault or blame, they are now dealing with the gap that has widened between them and their expectations of each other.

The kids in a divorce situation want to help.  They want things to go back to how they were.  They want healing.  For us, as HR professionals, we must not choose sides but appreciate each side independently of the other.  It’s not our job to fix their relationship; these two sides consist of big girls and boys who can and should find their way to common ground for the sake of the professionals they serve.  Just as kids often cannot fix mom and dad’s relationship, we find ourselves heartsick observers. 

What we can choose to do is be a conduit for healing as opportunity strikes.  Share with each side how we feel.  Maintain the integrity of our roles as HR professionals.  Continue to be proud of the growth and accomplishments we’ve achieved that both sides have afforded, whether PHR/SPHR/GPHR certification or volunteer leadership positions in SHRM.  We have been cared for by both organizations.  Let’s return that care back to the two sides that are in need now.

Again, healing is a gift.  It’s not a wussy, feel good sentiment, but a willful decision with measurable results.  That kind of decision ought to be the type that we’re already used to making as HR professionals.  Listen up, Kids! There's a problem. Mom and Dad need us now.